Fearlessly Unrelenting

The Butterfly Effect

2010-09-07T23:48:00.000-07:00

At some point while reading this short but powerful book by Andy Andrews, I asked myself why the need to come up with a book with - how do I put this - only a few words in it.

I mean honestly, it's my first time excluding kindergarten to read a book with a sentence or two only on every page!

Then, I realized that maybe, just maybe, the author is trying to stress something extremely important. Something he wants to cut across without fail.

The first time I read it, it took me less than 5 minutes. The second time, it took me days. Until now, my mind is stuck in a few of the pages, in its inspiring stories, in its challenging quotes.

Over all, I guess what I am simply saying is, that until now my mind still can't grasp the fact that whatever we do now - no matter how small or insignificant they may be - really have an impact in this world beyond our minds could ever comprehend.

Now that's amazing.

Same Kind of Different as Me

2010-08-03T23:19:00.000-07:00

Books on friendships always have a special place in my heart. When I read "Same Kind of Different as Me," I realized the last time I cried so hard from reading a book was The Shack. Of course, the two have different stories, but the impact to me is almost the same: It was as if I ended up broken only to be made whole again.

Authors Ron Hall and Denver Moore with Lyn Vincent all did a great job in coming up with this New York Times Bestseller. It is the most compelling and most inspirational book on friendship I have ever read.

It reminded me of how simple Christianity really us. And really, it's about relationships. First of course, with God. Then, with everyone else.

I am hoping this book will challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and start living the life Christ died to provide. Coz really, it did the same thing to me.

God bless you.

A Guy's Guide to Life by James Boyett

2010-07-01T02:35:00.000-07:00

I know, I am too old for this book but I chose it nevertheless thinking I could give it to my kid brothers after reading.

I must say I enjoyed reading the practical guides to life written by James Boyett. If only there were stuff like these around, it would probably have saved me from a lot of trouble. And confusion. Or an odd mixture of the two.

The mere fact that the questions were captured into words is admirable. How much more this time that it came with answers?

As much as I really want to keep this book with me safely tucked in the corner of my shelf, I can't help but give it away to my siblings who will surely benefit from it.

I know they will. Coz I honestly did.

Derailed: Five Lessons Learned from Catastrophic Failures of Leadership

2010-06-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

In an era when companies act like nations and nations act like companies, this book would be a timely read. This book by Tim Irwin focused on the lives of six leaders of well-known companies - the stories of what they did wrong and the consequences of such crucial decisions.

Most importantly, he then discussed on how we - whether in a position of leadership or not - could avoid such mistakes. What hit me in the book is somehow its emphasis on character over skills, which is sometimes overlooked in the workplace that is obsessed with results and productivity.

In the end, humility, honesty and integrity matters most.

And while most of us who read this may not be on a position of leadership, we might as well learn from these people's mistakes. As they say, we may never live too long to make all of them and thus, learn.

Coffee

2010-06-03T23:00:00.001-07:00

Talking over coffee with my friend last night, I realized how there are absolutely no coincidences in life.

Listening to his stories how everything just came together smoothly for his move to Paris to come through, I found myself amazed at how God could move in a person’s life anonymously, even if it meant not getting all the credit He deserved.

I can’t help but smile at how our conversation moved from Spartacus, to “Eat, Pray and Love” to ex-relationships to life. And how everything seemed orchestrated by Someone for some unknown reason.

Unknown until last night that is.

Perhaps, the Eureka moment came when from nowhere, he blurted out, “I feel so blest, and I don’t feel I deserve any of what I received.”

I smiled.

All too many times in our lives we ARE inundated by so many blessings to mention, and yet, rarely do we ever feel undeserving, don’t we?

We feel like we earned the right to be there. Hard work, we justify, has finally paid off. And so, instead of looking up and be grateful, we walk chin up for being self-made men.

And here, comes our dilemma.

If there is one thing worse than not giving God the credit, it’s trying to earn his favour. My friend doesn’t even believe in God but he feels like the universe has given him so much than what he deserved. But God blesses him anyway.

I think atheists are so much easier to deal with than some self-confessed believer trying to earn grace.

It has been years now since a new revelation of Grace impacted my life. But if the lessons I learned so far could be summed up in a statement it would be this: We are all undeserving; deal with it.

The Search for God and Guinness by Stephen Mansfield

2009-11-10T20:12:00.001-08:00

As someone who works for the leading beer company in the country that has grown to become one of the largest food and beverage corporations in Southeast Asia, reading “The Search for God and Guinness” by Stephen Mansfield is absolutely one enriching experience.

It would be impossible not to draw some similar and contrasting points. Perhaps the similarities are a few of the reasons behind my company’s growth over the years but there sure are a lot of other things to glean from the Guinness brand – 250 years now since Arthur Guinness bought a property at St. James’ Gate in Dublin.

What really impressed me while reading the book though was how the company genuinely cared for their own employees. Sure, they were passionate in selling beer but they were equally concerned of their workforce as well. Their people enjoyed salaries and benefits that would shame most modern companies today. All these, in a time when labour laws still are non-existent – something that would attest to their sincerity. Today, we have companies who are barely hanging by the tread of compliance. Still, others never get to comply at all.

As I continued to read, it turns out that there are many more inspirational stories about the Guinnesses after Arthur on how they impacted their own workers but Ireland, their country, as a whole. Reading about them can’t help but make me teary-eyed. Matter of fact, as early as the introduction, I was already pushing back the tears.

My secret desire now is to get this book on the hands of “the powers that be” in my company. I don’t know how, but I’m praying that somehow, it will. As we set our eyes internationally, I’m sure there would be a lot to learn from Guinness’s 250-year legacy.

Bucket List

2009-09-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

We never accomplish the goals we don't set. And it's always wise to do so in writing.

Hence, this list of life goals.

When I posted "Full," Nong Roy mentioned about his bucket list. I thought it would be cool to have one as well - or at least one that I can see and really believe God on.

With a little guidance from Mark Batterson, I was able to come up with these as well.

Family Goals
1. Run an organic farm business/restaurant with family
2. Treat folks and siblings on a trip to Hongkong or Bangkok
3. Get my family debt-free, save and invest
4. Record and album with my brothers
5. Start a foundation to help family and relatives

Travel Goals
1. Backpack in Europe
2. Attend a Hillsong Conference in Australia
3. Worship in New Creation Church, Singapore
4. Visit the Holy Land
5. Witness autumn in New England

Experience Goals
1. Speak fluent Mandarin and Japanese
2. Learn French, Spanish and German
3. Get an MBA
4. Learn Muay Thai in Thailand
5. Study in IHOP-Kansas

Physical Goals
1. Reach 170lbs at 15% body fat
2. Bench press 200 lbs
3. Dive at Palawan
4. Sky Dive
5. Ice Skate

Influence Goals
1. Write a book on grace
2. Do a mission trip to China
3. Volunteer in an international NGO
4. Be a professional photographer
5. Start a grace revolution

Here's my list. What's yours?

Truth be told, I'm really not excited on reaching them. What thrills me more is knowing that God could give us beyond what we ask or think.

Now that's something to be psyched about!

Full

2009-09-26T20:58:00.001-07:00

I was in a queue waiting to pay for my groceries, but my mind was elsewhere.

Earlier today I woke up to see a friend had posted pictures of his recent travel to Europe. I was green with envy! How I wish I had the means to do the same, to visit places in the world at my every whim.

Then I asked God, "Am I gonna do the same someday?"

Silence.

"You see, I never thought of being able to travel the Philippines like I am doing so now," I continued my eyes showing excitement. "Sure, it's not much, but in the first 2 decades of my life, I've never even been in a plane!"

Still no reply.

"I'm sure I'll get there someday," I convinced myself. "You have great plans for me. Didn't you say goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life? Didn't you promise life to the full?"

"You have Me," was the only reply.

And it was enough.

I realized that Life is a Person, and when Jesus promised life to his disciples he actually was offering himself to them. To us, too.

Life to full is simply an invitation to the infinite abundance that is in Christ. It may include a backpacking trip to Europe but then really, Life is so much more than just that.

Grace Pastor

2009-09-25T07:04:00.000-07:00

I remember 2 years back when I was on a sickbed with nothing to do but watch TV. For most people, watching TV the whole day could be a dream job, but for me, it was very frustrating.

I wanted to be productive - complete my reports to avoid backlogs when I get back to work. But everytime I use the mouse to do just that, blood would start to come out the dextrose they attached on my right arm so I have no choice but to stop.

I remember one morning I woke up early and for lack of anything else to do, I turned on the TV and flipped channels until I came accross a preacher with a weird accent. While his accent seemed familiar, I couldn't tell the whole time I was confined where he was from, not until I got out and was able to download and even buy his teachings.

Needless to say, his teaching on grace revolutionized my life. The gospel didn't make a lot of sense until that day. And it's because of this preacher of grace: Pastor Joseph Prince.

Imagine my delight when I came across this site where someone posted his teachings! When I found this out, not only did I post it on my Facebook Wall, I emailed a whole lot of people about it. My only desire is that they would take the time to listen. And so, here I go again, making this post. To those who stumble upon this blog, please refer to the sidebars. I placed a widget there where you could listen.

Please do. Intently and prayerfully.

God forbid, we could go on living our lives thinking we are Christians but never know the gospel of grace at all.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews

2009-09-24T04:59:00.000-07:00

I am not the type of reader that would randomly pick a book in my visit to a bookstore . I usually select reads one author at a time at a subject which is reflective on whatever season my life is in.

So given a list of random books to choose from, I hesitated at first but finally chose The Noticer.

Who wouldn’t “notice” it? Apart from the interesting title, someone apparently deemed it the best book she has read in her life! Hence, my decision.

And I was not disappointed!

In the next few hours I found myself glued to it reading chapter by chapter on the wisdom of an old man named Jones. His talent for noticing things seemingly unseen and neglected by most is remarkable; his knack for making the complex simple is extraordinary. But what totally won me over, is his humor.

A few weeks back I wrote an entry entitled “Perspective” and I thought this was exactly what I had in mind – only way better. I realized that this book fit perfectly in this phase of my life and no one could more eloquently put it into words than Andy Andrews – its author did.

Because indeed, sometimes all we need is a just little perspective. And it’s amazing how a little can go a long, long way.

Tenses

2009-09-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. - Hebrews 11:6 NAS

When I read the Bible, I wonder what impact it will have on what I understand (or what I think I understand of it,) when I consider that the very Person who inspired its writing, is in fact, beyond time.

What happens to all the verbs that we see here and there?

What do we make of Jewish history taught to us as stories in Sunday School? Of ancient prophecies? Of the promises we were taught in church to claim as our own?

Perhaps, this time, we can understand better.

When both past and future converge to become the eternal present, history becomes personal. It's not simply THEIR story but OURS too. It's not just his loss but mine as well.

And most of all, tomorrow's promises become today's norms.

Maybe, just maybe: this is what it means to have faith in a God who IS.

In Love

2009-09-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised I didn't see this before, but not to spoil what I've found, I am glad I do now.

When an old friend asked me if I was "in love" because of the current shoutout I have on Facebook, I answered with an astounding YES!

Not because I am in anything romantic with anybody, but simply because we all are.

Isn't it amazing?

We literally are IN LOVE.

A universe spoken into existence with a Heart beating for one thing: You. A sky painted anew each day nothing like the days before with one single theme: I love you. An earth created in such intricate detail to make sure that from the tiniest to the enormous, we get to live each day somehow seeing the message, getting a glimpse of the picture.

We live in a world soaked with the love of God. Our every day drenched with his mercy.

So why don't we keep our umbrellas of pride, our raincoats of apathy - and get wet in the Rain?

Weep

2009-09-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

I wept.

Watching the three short clips on "The Forgotten People" by CNN so gripped me, knocked me helpless that I am left with nothing to do but weep.

Here I was worrying when the next big sale in the mall will be, and there they were beaten by Thai military, disowned by their own government and unaccepted by their neighbors.

You know why it hurted so much? Because from each of their eyes I could see Jesus - who was left to die a criminal's death, beaten over and over, rejected by His own people. But this isn't some 2,000 years ago.

This is 2009.

But what are we doing? What is the church doing?

Here we are so busy with keeping up with the world, debating who's got the purest doctrine, competing who's got the best worship team, subtly battling who's got the biggest Sunday attendance.

Here we are busy beating up people with laws and more laws ignoring the fact that we if we got saved by grace, we continue to live by grace.

Here we are occupied with popularity and addicted with people's praise.

Here we are caught up with church splits and quarrels forgetting that out there, maybe not even too far away, people are dying. Literally.

And so they die into an eternity darker than the ones they experienced here because we've become too concerned with lesser things than the One Thing.

Oh may God comfort the troubled and trouble the comfortable!

Sacrifice

2009-08-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

With an entire nation still mourning perhaps its greatest loss, I found myself with a lingering question - what made the late president so endearing that she touched an entire nation?

Many people would probably attribute it to her colossal role in bringing back democracy into a country crippled by tyranny. Or perhaps her indescribable bravery in standing her ground when several power-hungry individuals led coups that attempted to oust her. Or maybe her simple humility in admitting her inexperience or her utter dependence on a God who answers prayer.

With all her achievements both big and small, I see no other reason why she has so moved many not just in this country but all throughout the world - she died long before that fateful day her body succumbed to cancer.

She died to her own ambitions for the sake of her people when she gave up the comforts of being a simple housewife and a private citizen for the tumultuous world of Philippine politics. And yet like in an incredible story so familiar to us that we celebrate it every Lent, in her voluntary death to self, somehow, she lived.

That is why I think she touched so many. Her life echoes that of a Man who gave up his for a people undeserving – a Man whose life now divides history as we know it.

Through her life, we now know that nothing is impossible with God on your side, that fiercest of dictators bow down to the way of peace, that the very purpose of our lives is to lose it in service to others for it to be lived to the full.

And, since you can't really kill a dead person twice, though her remains will go back to dust whence it came from, her spirit - her legacy will surely live on.

Food

2009-06-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

It happens to me all the time.

I go inside a restaurant, order food, and wait. Most of the time, out of quite a long list, what arrives first is the rice - which makes sense as it's the easiest to prepare whether it be yang chow or simply fried.

And within that time of waiting for the rest to arrive, I often wonder, why bother wait?

I don't think my stomach will be able to distinguish the difference from finishing a cup of garlic rice first then the adobo to having a plate that's freshly cooked and mixed by your own hand with that certain oil and a stick (or two) of chicken inasal from Nena's.

Then I realized, we wait because there's more to eating than merely nutrition - than simply breaking things down to proteins, carbos and calories, although I must admit that those are important too.

God gives bread for us to enjoy. So smell it, savor it. If it isn't so, then there won't be any bagels or pitas or pizzas or my personal favorite, hopias. Besides, what's the use of having the ability to differentiate what's sweet, sour, bitter and salty when all we could get from the hours and hours of grueling food preparation, we can acquire from a couple of pills?

Our meals should remind us to bow our heads not just for the feast on our tables but by simply being grateful that while God could've made eating something boring like sneezing - that in just a snap, you're full - He chose not to.

Perspective

2009-05-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

Call it whatever you want, but it simply comes down to perspective.

What the religious call faith, what the motivational speaker call positive thinking and what an awful lot call fate, are all merely different perspectives.

The end of the world for an ant colony who minds their own business in an anthill could simply mean a construction project where mounds were needed to be levelled off. Meanwhile, the project could very well be just one small part of the whole development plan the government has for a city, but to someone in a plane watching from above, well, it's just progress.

Most of the time, I'm being an ant. When my initial EKG results came in and according to our company physician - it showed an MI, I thought that was it for me. Doubts poisoned my mind and fear slowly kicked in. Before I knew it, I was experiencing chest pains I didn't even have before.

But my Bible says, "by His wounds, I am healed."

That He received curse upon curse so that I can have blessing upon blessing. That He received my worst, so that I can have His best. That as He is, so am I in this world.

It's not that my perceived reality is a hoax, it's just that from my perspective, I am not seeing the whole picture. So technically, I have a choice: Do I stick to my own, or adopt Someone else's?

I made a choice. I chose to live in the reality of the One who sees my past, present and future all at once. I chose his perspective of things not because mine was incorrect but was downright incomplete.

So when the final results of tests from a real cardio came in saying that everything is within normal range, I wasn't surprised.

It just made me wonder why doctors call what they do a practice.

Two Trees

2009-03-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I'm a hypochondriac.

Reading books on diseases had been my favorite past time as a kid that I have nightmares in my sleep of dying from plagues I've read when awake. I used to resolve not to read any of those kind of books anymore, but at the advent of the Internet, I find it hard to resist the temptation to read, and read even more.

Meanwhile, at the slightest pain here, a rash there and a fever, my mind would wander. Though what I'm feeling is far from serious, I'd most likely fulfill my own prophecies of doom by succeeding at one thing - scaring myself to death.

Since I can't stop the urge to keep myself informed, I resolved to focus more on prevention rather than on the ugly part. So, I would inundate myself with health tips and find myself desperately trying to follow every single one of them.

Problem is, I can only follow up to a point. And if ever I could obey everything, most likely, I still won't get the results I really wanted. Hence, the frustration.

Thousands of years have come and gone when the first humans have eaten of the fruit from the forbidden tree, and today, I still find myself doing exactly just the same thing- taking a heavy dose of the pills of knowledge thinking that it would somehow lead me to one thing I so earnestly seek -life.

In this age of information, may we all realize that knowledge of even the good is not enough to give us the lives we so desperately seek. Those 5-step-plan-to-a-better-marriage, or that 3-easy-tips-to-a-younger-you or this book on achieving success or that article on ending an affair won't cut it through when one is face to face with real adversity.

So I say enough eating from that tree. Both it's good and bad fruits all lead to one thing anyways - death.

Now, what about that Other Tree?

Numbers

2009-03-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

I went home today pretty happy that the results of my Annual Physical Exam are normal.

BUN, Creatinine, Total Cholesterol, Uric Acid, Hemoglobin, Hemoticrit and WBC Count all within the normal ranges. My HDL is high and my LDL is low which, by the way, I was told was a good thing.

While I was looking at the pieces of paper handed to me containing the results, I can't help but wonder, "So, is this all there is?"

I mean, is life simply about striking a balance between all these numbers? That's it?

Oftentimes, Christians do the same thing - keep numbers. From the seemingly trivial - number of verses memorized or chapters read every night to the big ones like percentage given as tithes or hours spent in prayer, or number of converts in a religious meeting.

It's funny but really, we have got to stop and ask ourselves the question. And hopefully realize together, that life is not merely about counting as much as living.

Jim Elliot had it nailed when he - in one of his journals in college - asked God not for a LONG life, but a FULL one. I believe we should ask just the same.

Middleman

2009-02-17T03:25:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone ask you to pray on their behalf? Well, I do get them a lot.

Growing up, people always think I have this special open communication line to the powers that be. But it was just recently when a friend asked me to pitch in a few good words for her, that I became aware of this fact.

Why do people do this? It's simply because we are obssessed with mediators.

I wonder why we can't simply take Christ at His word when He said, "it is finished"?

Is it because it's too hard to believe that we've been forgiven not because of what we did or are still capable of doing but inspite of us?

While all that needs to be done for the Father to be pleased with us is simply believe in the accomplished work of the Son, we think we can pitch in a few cute acts and catch His attention.

It sure is absurd. Looking back, I scratch my head to how preposterous my filthy briberies look in contrast to the full ransom Christ paid up there on the Cross.

We have got to learn that the veil was torn for a reason.

We all have direct access to the throne of grace. No further mediation needed.

The Person

2008-10-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

My mistake is not that I have become a heretic or an atheist. My troubles abound not for lack of knowledge even as there are plenty.

My problem is that I separate the things I seek from the Person of the Giver.

I was always told not to seek the gifts but to pursue the Giver. Something that sounds true and even cool to mouthe in the circles of religion where I belong.

But really, nothing could be further from the truth.

The Gift is the Giver.

Healing is a Person. Freedom is a Person. Righteousness is a Person. So is Prosperity, Joy, Love, and Peace.

Everything we need and want and desire is in the Inexhaustible Person of Jesus.

Ruined

2008-10-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

"Ruin me," I desire to pray - which according to Craig Groeschel comes down to "our hearts needing to break for the things that break the heart of God."

But how can it be, when it's so easy for me to give it to someone else just like that?

And so instead of giving the full loaf for God to break, He ends up just getting the crumbs or what's left of it.

The amazing thing is He is accepts them anyway.

Now that is a good God.

Hurdle

2008-10-15T22:59:00.000-07:00

From the way I see it, perpetual loneliness seems sweeter by all means compared to the searing pain of losing someone.

But that is exactly what my problem is: what I see.

While I am called to a Life that is beyond what I could see, feel or even comprehend, I limit my reality to something just within my grasp.

Could it be that while I am inundated with all these questions on loving and losing those I love… could it be that while I could not love so perfectly, I on the other hand can receive a Love so perfect that will set me free?

…Set me free from my own fears and even more than that, set me free to love perfectly?

Lord Jesus, I choose to believe. Abba, I choose to receive.

Sweet Spirit that leads me into all truth, have your way in me.

Flooded

2008-10-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

If perfect love casts out all fear, then why are my fears the strongest when I love someone so deeply, almost so perfectly?

If you truly and fully love someone, how can you bear the pain when the day comes that each of you shall go your own separate ways?

Will I wake to a day when I will love without the fear of losing someone? Will I – acned, lanky and spiky hair and all – really wake to an actual day in the bounds of time without the gnawing fear of losing the people I deeply love?

And if this is not possible, could I live a life without loving at all?

Desires

2008-09-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

And so, the struggle continues.

How do you deal with a friendship that's threatening to become more than just that without ruining it?

In the past, my instinct is simply to run away and hide. Literally. It actually worked for a while, but then the cycle continues and thus my life is marked by broken relationships which start off as something really promising and beautiful but end up abruptly, really bad or a combination of the two.

It seems like I can't keep a purely non-sexual relationship with another guy without getting scared that somehow along the way, I will either fall for him or worse, get betrayed. And so I am caught up in between two opposing extremes: shut myself off from the world and live life alone and extremely lonely or plunge myself into a world of anonymous trysts.

I was always told that the "biblical" way was to flee. And I have done just that. But I realized that fleeing is not really the answer. I have placed so much emphasis on the fleeing part when in fact, the main action is not the running away from something but the pursuit of something altogether.

In other words, I could do an excellent job secluding myself from the world but still burn with lustful desires in my heart. So I realized that stopping the friendship won't solve the issue; dealing with my heart is.

I am reminded by CS Lewis' words which I actually posted earlier: "If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

Easier said than actually done. A bitter pill to swallow even. But then, it's the truth.

Struggle

2008-09-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

It was one of the weirdest places to learn a really valuable lesson.

I was watching the Love of Siam and got so into it that I was caught in by surprise with its ending. I have to admit, I have seen so-called "gay-themed" movies before but I never saw anything quite like this.

Brokeback Mountain was a good one with all the awesome scenery, artful content and well, Heath Ledger. But it failed to touch me like this one did.

I think it's partly because I am going through a tough time now. You know, spending all these times with my new set of foreigner friends, it's hard not to fall for one of them - especially when he sends you SMS everyday and calls you after work just to know how your day went.

It's been a long time since I had someone actually do that to me, you know. And somehow, there's this part of me that wants to relish on it a bit - that feeling of being wanted and loved.

It's amazing how we got to know each others' lives amidst broken English and a whole lot of actions that there was hardly a day since we first met that I went home before 11pm. You see, when someone can barely speak English and he chooses to use words you don't normally use and hear, it's powerfully refreshing when you do.

But as usual, I had to face the truth. The truth that we can't be any more than friends even if it's not only me who wants something even more. The truth that though this feeling seem to be all that really matters as of now, it's not really.

In this time when at almost every turn I see same-sex couples cuddling to the secret disdain of a society that has never fully understood what it means to go through so much pain, confusion and loneliness in trying to figure out their true identity, I submit my desires to the One Person who has gone through so much Himself for His love for me.

So now when I feel so alone, so unloved, so unlovely even, I rest on the plain fact that Abba really loves me for me - with nothing else to offer but a heart that has gone tired of aimless wanderings.

And as for that special friend, just because he can't be a boyfriend, doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. I know he does. And that is more than enough.

Jesus

2008-08-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

So really. Who decides on what is good or not?

Have you noticed that each one of us has his own definition of what is good or bad? That no matter how you belong to one church with a given set of beliefs you still disagree on the minute details? That much of the misery and disappointment in life roots back into the thought that God allowed bad things to happen and therefore He is not good after all?

Or an argument to that effect.

I used to think as I read "Do not judge" in the Scriptures that it only applies well, other people. We all hold that popular interpretation I guess. But now, I see it differently.

Usually we define good as something that brings happiness or pleasure. Or something that doesn't take us out of our comfort zones. Bad, on the other hand, are those that give us pain, causes our hearts to ache.

Evidently, we judge in our private lives. And with our judgements we wreck havoc to other peoples lives.

I think it is comforting to note that Bad is not an absolute negative equivalent of Good. It exists at the lack of good.

Only Goodness is Absolute. And that Absolute is Jesus.

Apart from him, all things fall out of order. But in Him, all things hold together.

Yes, even Christian Denominations at that.

Faithful

2008-08-17T05:16:00.000-07:00

I was in Bacolod last Friday so I decided to check out the youth meeting at Ikthus. Since I started being a part of the worship team here in Iloilo, I've met really amazing people. Amazing for two reasons: young as they are, they are really gifted with the instruments they use and two, their passion for God is challenging!

Little did I know that I was in for a surprise. After being met by Timi outside, she began to introduce me to a whole lot of people -some faces I already am familiar with.

Just before worship started, I was totally floored. The room was almost packed and I was left wondering, "Where in the world did they get so many kids?"

To top it all off, I was introduced by Timi to my nephews and one niece. I can't even remember what their names were, but I was thrilled.

You see, years and years back, I have this thing against my dad's family and relatives. I don't know. It's just not like the kind of relationship I share with my cousins in my mom's side. And seeing my own cousins from my dad's side doing all those stupid things when I was younger fueled my distaste.

Then out of nowhere, God began to work in my life in such a powerful way. He began to introduce Himself as Someone totally different from the box I placed Him in. My mom taught I was actually demon-possessed when my "quiet times" changed into something not really all that quiet. I would lock myself in my room, turn on a prayer CD by Lou Engle and pray. And in those times, I remember I cried out to God to spare our family from the "curse" running through the Muyco Clan.

You heard when people say that God always answer prayer? Don't believe them. God doesn't really answer our prayers.; He over answers them.

We ask for a loaf of bread, He throws a party. You ask for the skill to play the guitar, He makes you lead worship before hundreds. I asked for Him to protect our little family from the lures of the world, He moved into the lives of my cousins that their offspring - my nephews - will serve God in ways beyond what I could even comprehend.

It was a holy moment, I tell you.

It was sheer grace on His part that we were all there. And it will be grace that will keep us pressing on until we wake up to the day when we have lived out our destinies effortlessly.

Twist

2008-08-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Alright sure, I didn't make it to the Passion Concert, but I certainly did learn a whole lot. First, is that travelling by Cebu Pacific to Manila will probably be a bad idea until they sort things out in their new terminal at the NAIA3. Thanks to them, I arrived Manila around 9pm and waited for a cab till maybe 10. I met my friend Arthur at MOA and simply decided to just grab something to eat rather than travel to Ultra and arrive there for the closing prayer.

The next day, we rushed to Fully Booked at the Fort where they have 20% off on almost all books. What an experience! I really felt so probinsyano beholding the four floors of books! I stayed there the whole morning until my stomach complained to my brain that "he (or is it 'it'?) too needs to feed on something."

I left around 4pm for my flight back. And this was the situation in the pre-departure area when I got there.

Passengers from all over were stranded for hours in this new terminal while some flights were even cancelled. I am not so sure if the situation is still like this now, but having been through such ordeal will make you think twice, thrice even, about riding through the same airline to Manila again.

Good thing though I have my "friends" with me. Just a few days before the Passion Concert I bought "The Shack" by William P. Young at Powerbooks Cebu. I finished the whole book while waiting for my flight to Manila and reread it while waiting for my plane back.

So as I came to think about it, the whole experience ain't bad at all. I went there with an expectation to meet God, and well, I did. The book transported me to a different place where I learn with tears, things I believe about God which were really myths.

I went home adding a few more books to this pile. I have finished some already, scanned several, and eyeing on one or two. I got Rabbi Jesus from Fully Booked. It revealed Jesus in a different angle you wouldn't normally see it readily in the Scriptures. Miracles and A Brief History of Time I got from a while back. Somewhere a Master and The Shack I bought together in Cebu while that book about Secret Germany, my boss lent me.

Nelson Mandela's autobiography I bought with Rabbi Jesus while the rest, from Uncle Tom's Cabin to Piercing the Darkness and Chaim Potok's Book of Lights, I got from BookSale.

I have a different pile like this on my table at work. And I haven't even read them all yet. But something tells me I am going to have a new one this week when I pass by National Bookstore or BookSale.

And oh, I thinking of getting an Amplified Bible. Let me know if this is already gluttony, though.

Definitely Going

2008-07-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

Two more weeks then I'll be off to Manila for the Passion World Tour. I'm just so excited to be a part of this. I know deep within me that I am a part of something greater.

A Plan. A Revival. An Awakening.

Whatever it is, I have to be a part of it.

I must say I ain't going coz it's the cool thing to do now. I am going coz I feel in my heart of hearts the Lord is orchestrating something in the Philippines that will impact eternity.

If you see me there dancing my two left feet and crying my heart out, don't be shy to say hi.

Grace and peace ya'll.

Bleeding Love

2008-06-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

Listening to the hit song by Leona Lewis "Bleeding Love," it makes me wonder what I'll bleed of when I'm cut open.

Love, like what it says in the song? I doubt.

What I want it to bleed though, is another thing. I want to bleed worship.

Love for God and of others I may not be able to do always. Unlike God's love for me that is unwavering, mine is shifty.

So I choose worship. And I wish to tap into Mark Batterson's definition of it and make it more personal.

Worship, for me, is simply bragging to God about God and bragging to others about God. Love I may not always do, but brag, I think I can manage.

A Global Warning

2008-05-01T00:42:00.000-07:00

It wasn't until recently that I understood the REAL effects of global warming. Thanks to Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth," I finally understood what harm it will personally cause me and the succeeding generations.

After watching the video, it got me thinking rather deeply on what I can do to help. It's as if I felt a bigger burden not only because I live in this planet, but because I am a Christian.

Sure, this world is passing away. And yes, we are certainly not of this world.

But hey we are still in it right? We have the same sun, same weather, same rain - practically same problems as with everyone else - believer and unbeliever alike. And while we acknowledge that the Earth is the Lord's and everything in it, isn't that enough reason to think twice before throwing that candy wrapper just anywhere?

And so, I resolved to do things no matter how insignificant to make this world a better place to live in. Here are a few of them:

1. Walk. I will choose to use my precious legs than ride a jeepney when travelling short distances. Somehow, I lessen the demands for more air pollutants when I choose to do so.

2. Recycle. Using the other clean side of the paper shall save more trees from being cut down definitely. Groceries like SM and bookstores like National Bookstore have initiated the use of "green and red bags." I shall use them instead of plastic. It's a bit weird for a guy to carry a bag with him, but this isn't about fashion anymore, isn't it?

3. Sleep. I usually sleep really late. Like way past midnight late. I believe sleeping early not only is good for my body, but I cut down the exponentially increasing demand for electricity as well.

4. Conserve. Turning off the faucet when not in use the simplest example, but often really hard to follow. Especially when we are that lazy to turn it on and off again and again until the dishes are thoroughly washed or my teeth are absolutely clean.

5. Lead. People perish for lack of knowledge. And apparently, it doesn't only apply on "spiritual" things. I made sure I passed my DVD around the office for everyone to be aware of what's really at stake. It may mean having it all beaten with scratches and dents in the long run, but it's a small price to pay for making sure my great grandchildren will still have a livable environment to enjoy when I am long gone. (Of course, assuming the Lord won't come anytime soon. )

Now, how can YOU help?

Jaunts

2008-04-29T04:26:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a quick trip to Ormoc City. It was my first time there and it was fun. It was a full day of more templates and reports to finish but I didn't complain. Sabin Beach Resort, the place where we spent two nights, was such a comfy place to stay. I guess what made all the difference was being close to nature. That, or the thought of having a quick dip in the pool after a stressful day at the sight of a magnificent sunset... and actually doing it.

Chasing the Lion

2008-04-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

When I first landed on Jen's blog, what caught my attention was her Lion Chaser Manifesto. After further following the link she gave to Evotional, I was hooked.

Since I can't get my hands on the book, (the downside of living in an obsure island with only one decent bookstore) I was practically scavenging for anything I could get in the web about "Lion Chasing."

Then I found this other site which contains free audio and video sermons as well as movies on the same topic. I was more than thrilled.

So, move over Mediocrity.

Here comes the Lion Chaser.

The Good News

2008-01-29T22:12:00.000-08:00

It was two months ago when I had my last test on the level of SGPT in my blood. Now, I am back in the clinic to have a final one – hopeful that somehow, what skyrocketed into a 4000 something and went down to a still-high 600, will now be within the normal range of 0 to 36.

While waiting for the results, a mother holding her 1 month old baby boy entered the clinic. The baby looked healthy, but I knew looks could be deceiving. When the mother handed over several sheets of paper to the receptionist, I knew certain tests will be done.

After being told of how much it will cost them, the mother agreed. I imagined she found it expensive but agreed anyways. “All for love for her son,” I thought.

When the medical technologist came out to have a look at the baby, that’s when I noticed that something was terribly wrong. Here I was, Blood-bought, Spirit-empowered, and I was doing nothing. I was feeling nothing.

And so I asked the Lord what was I to do? Go over there and lay my hands on the child?

What will my doctor think? I sure prayed for a miracle when I was bedridden three months ago with Hepatitis A, but didn’t receive any.

What will the mother say? My mere presence in the clinic means I need the doctor’s help myself.

I had these thoughts racing their way in my mind when I asked God a simple petition: let me see what’s going on through your Eyes.

And that was enough. Before I knew it, tears came. I was successful to somehow control it so what was supposed to be a torrent of emotion became a drizzle of controlled compassion.

My heart ached at the thought of me not doing anything. It broke altogether knowing that cowards like me populate the pews as well.

I have never heard God speak ever so clearly than that time. “They need to hear the Good News, James.”

The Good News. Not a preaching on hell’s fire. Not a sermonette of do’s and don’ts.

Just the simple unadulterated fact that the sick can get their healing – the blind their sight, the deaf their hearing, the mute their voice… that the prisoners can acquire their freedom – the demonized, the addict, the harlot, the homosexual their deliverance… that, most of all, forgiveness is available for every sinner here and now.

Simply put, a clean slate.

It’s funny because all I could muster was a faint smile to somehow show the worried mother that everything will be all right with her son. And though a bit too late, a prayer now as well, that besides healing for the baby, she will come to know the God who came to die that she may have life to the full – her family included.

Ah, I learned a lot in that short time of waiting for my results. What happened could just as well be an answer to a commitment I made earlier to God – to pursue big dreams this year… dreams that are set to fail if God doesn’t show up. Why include Him in the picture if I could do it all alone in the first place?

Going back to my result, my SGPT is now at 31. What usually takes 6 months to fully recover; I got mine in less than a half of that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I’ve got Goliaths to slay.

Grace by Installment

2007-12-18T05:50:00.000-08:00

If we are saved by grace alone, then why do most Christians live as if they are paying for their salvation by installments?

I think we need to realize that the result of both the evil and good of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is death. The good part is still as deadly as the evil. We need to partake of the fruit from the Tree of Life for us to truly live.

And we can only do so by grace. Meaning, it's undeserved. Nothing bad we did can disqualify us from it; nothing good we can ever accomplish can qualify for it either.

I guess it's about time we truly serve God and not just our guilty conscience.

Battle Cry

2007-12-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

If we Christians would love homosexuals MORE than the homosexuals love their homosexuality, then something WILL definitely happen. Our task is never to hate, discriminate or judge. Our job is simply to reflect the Love of God. A love that gives sinners a hard time going to hell. And in the process, be totally changed by Love Incarnate Himself.

On Dying and Death

2007-12-14T18:07:00.000-08:00

The very moment I realized that the highest of all callings is to die for Christ, my life was changed.

That split second when it dawned on me that I was born to be a martyr for Jesus liberated me from all the man-pleasing hypocrisy that gripped me for so long.

In a time when you can be Christian and popular, it is tempting and so very easy to confess Christ for all the wrong reasons. But when we go back to the New Testament and relive the lives of those who died for the sake of the gospel, we feel ashamed for having the gall of calling ourselves followers of Christ.

Believing in Jesus meant that they not only carry their crosses. Sadly, in our time today even that fact is hardly believed much less obeyed. Confessing Christ meant sealing your fate then. It meant dying a death towards sin and the flesh that being fed to the lions as a result of that faith meant nothing at all. They can stand with a glorious resolve as they were stoned to death or burned in stakes, and sincerely forgive their aggressors.

Reading the Bible, it gave me the impression that Christ made it difficult for people to enter, but very easy to leave. He was adamant to giving up anything that comes in the way of serving Him, but never really stopped people from leaving Him when difficult times came. I was wondering why have we twisted it today by preaching a "just add hot water" quick Christianity and making it difficult for people to leave when they want to.

I realize that in a few weeks time, the world will celebrate Christmas. Many people would call it weird to post on death on such a season as this.

But make no mistake. Christ's sole purpose on why He came is that He might die to save us from the fires of a real hell, and for the most part, from ourselves as well.

May we think on these things as we celebrate Christmas. May we never forget the reason why He came. And in so doing, may we never be deceived into buying a Christianity that doesn't call us to death to self and even martyrdom - all for the Cause of Christ, that His name shall be known among all men.

Only by not losing sight of the Cross, can we truly say that we have placed Christ back into Christmas.

Other than that, we might as well just be celebrating April Fool's.

The Freedom We Know

2007-11-25T20:11:00.000-08:00

We’re gonna dance dance dance
In the freedom we know
We’re gonna dance dance dance
In the freedom we know
We’re gonna dance dance dance
In the freedom we know
Because the freedom we know is gonna last forever!
~The Freedom We Know (from Hillsongs Mighty to Save)

Claiming complete healing for my body, deliverance for my spirit and refreshing for my soul, I sang this song and danced knowing in my heart of hearts, that He who is with me is greater than those against me.

It’s really a prophetic declaration – the dance. In the Old Testament, the dance is not done just for the heck of it; it is warfare. It is fighting the battle in the spirit realm even though in the natural, things seem without hope.

I remember when I was still in junior high school we had this prayer retreat in the outskirts of the city. In one of the nights, a classmate of ours began manifesting overt demonic oppression. Clueless on what to do, we asked our principal how we can help. She only said praise and worship. And that we did!

War is what the enemy started, and war he surely got! And to the victor, belongs all the spoils of the war!

We were dancing, singing and lifting up our hands till the wee hours of the morning. Not only our classmate was set free from the demonic forces that oppressed her, we were set free from the religious spirit as well. No more being contented with just pew-warming. It's about time we stand our ground and fight!

Not only did she receive her freedom, we were released into a different level of expressing our worship and praise unto our God.

So the next time the enemy comes and threatens of a war, stand up and lift up your hands. For the victory is ours, and the battle is the Lord's.

And realize that we dance not for ourselves but for those who can’t. We sing for those who have no song. We intercede for those whose hope seemed gone.

Let the Warrior-Bride arise!

Lessons from the Sickbed

2007-11-23T02:01:00.000-08:00

Stripped of blinders from my eyes, I saw life unfold as it is: simple and yet full of God’s glory.

Lying on a sickbed yet again has its way of clearing my own vision. Little things like burping and farting mean a whole lot, it made me audibly thank God for such neglected blessings. When you are lying there, stomach all bloated barely being able to eat and consequently not being able to heed nature’s call, I tell you – you will do the exact same thing.

It is funny how I deliberately chose to skip church recently due to my tight schedule at work, and as I found myself lying there, I was caused to watch several Sunday’s worth of sermon on Daystar. No doubt God is challenging me how poor my time management was, and how totally idolatrous my priorities were.

If pain is God’s loudspeaker, then His message couldn’t be any clearer. Though we live in the new covenant, we still have to heed his command to “remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.” If He being God rested on the seventh day, surely we need a day of rest as well.

Besides, as Christians, we operate not in the same way the world economy does. My source of income is not my job. My Source is God Himself.

Money comes as a result of my obedience to the Owner of the cattle of a thousand hills, not from unhealthy overtimes till daybreak or till the Lord’s Day.

People perish for lack of knowledge. I have to go through this horrible week because I chose not to listen. Other versions of the Bible would say that without vision, people perish. And what is true with nations, is also true with individuals.

It is for this reason that we have to hear from the Lord. From there, as the Lord gives the vision, we must pursue it with all our hearts. As we follow the vision, provision simply follows.

Nobody wins in this world’s rat race. In pursuit of the “good life,” people end up with broken relationships, poor health, and ungodly lives.

Indeed, what benefit is it for a man, to gain the whole world, yet lose his own soul?

Abba

2007-09-30T04:37:00.000-07:00

I don’t understand your ways.
I don’t understand why I need to go through these.
I don’t just get it why such emotional rubbish should torment me day in and out.

Why this kind of pain, this kind of thorn?
Why of billions, me?
Ah, everything in my life now is totally beyond me.

One moment, I seem wise as a sage
Foolish on another, in as quick as half a heartbeat.
And yet I am audacious enough to call myself your son.

Oh have I made every effort to escape
From what seemed to be walls to imprison
When, really, are there to protect me.

My eyes are full of shame
My heart, guilty
My body, tired.

Over and over I promised
Not to hurt you, no never again
Yet at the sight of a brother
I falter, and forget my convictions altogether.

I hate the very thought of you knowing
I’m going through this and yet not lifting a finger
I hate it when at the sound of your voice
You created everything into existence
And yet you can’t even remove this thing
That has plagued me for so long.

Haven’t I cried enough?
Begged enough, fasted enough
Prayed enough, bled enough
Shouted enough, suffered enough?

How I wish I could hurt you
The same way you’ve caused me pain.
How I wish, oh, that you would know a portion of my pain
And that is enough.

At times, I rebel to deliberately hurt you
But only to realize I hurt myself more.
The world doesn’t want me
Doesn’t love me
Doesn’t care for me
Doesn’t give a hoot about me
Like it so deceptively declare.

And so I keep running back, though ashamed
To your arms and weep some more.
Your nail pierced arms are always ready
To embrace the prodigal that is me.

And once again, declare with the rest
Where else shall I go when you have the words of eternal life?

It’s no longer a cutesy thing to say; It’s true.

I’ve got nothing, no one.
But you, only you, my Jesus.

Quoting Arthur

2007-08-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

I was reading through my old posts, and I came across a comment made by my friend Arthur.

I've read it several times but reading it again this time, I felt compelled to share it with you guys and add a few of my thoughts. I may have edited it, but it's only to put emphasis on the point I'm trying to get across...

"Before, I tried to be meek or gentle to other people thinking that I am a Christian and that I should be careful that I might cause them to stumble. But that shouldn't be the case. God wanted us to be achievers, leaders, role models... And we can't achieve this without being made known or with meekness and gentleness. We have to show the people around us how blessed and proud we are with God on our side by using our God-given gifts and talents, influences (in a positive way)..our whole being. But of course, bearing in mind the love for other people, not to hurt them during the process."

I think our problem is deeply rooted with our confusion on what meekness really is. Most of the time, what we consider as humility is really fear. Fear of what other people might think if we do something taboo or if we don't do something that was expected.

All in all, these pseudo humility at its best is still pride. Why? It's simply because I can't find another word to call a person who wouldn't believe God at His Word as if he's wiser than Wisdom himself, than proud.

God determines who we are, not who our peers deem us to be. And definitely not who we think we are.

It's interesting to read from Numbers 12:3 and realize that "Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth." But it becomes a bit weird when we realize that Moses was actually the guy who wrote the Pentateuch. Isn't that uhm, pride?

But really, once we realize that true humility is not shrinking back in fear that we might step on other's toes, that passage won't make such a fuss at all.

We are who God says we are.

Anything else is a fraud. If we believe anything else, we are insulting God to His face.

No wonder He doesn't show up when we throw our pity parties.

Practical Christianity

2007-06-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

I just came from a great talk over dinner with a friend from the dorm.

It was great because it wasn’t planned at all. He asked me if I wanted to go to church with him, I said yes. Not really because I felt pious at the moment, but because I can’t stand the foul odor coming from our neighbor’s piggery.

So there I was, feeling a bit awkward in a Catholic Mass, but it turned out pretty ok. I was blest at the homily of the priest and I’m touched when everyone went on to say peace at each other. I was thrilled when I imagined it happening in my own church.

We had dinner at Mang Inasal at Jaro after, and we talked for two hours or maybe more of topics from all aspects in life.

He shared about his own journey so far in life. He talked about his family. And I was amazed at his candor.

I think what surprised me the most was when he mentioned about having a personal encounter with the Jesus. It’s one thing to hear that from people from my church, but I think it’s quite another to hear it from someone like Jeff.

You know, sometimes, we have become so accustomed with church lingo and clichés that such words, though they sound religious, are actually void of meaning. It’s sad, but it’s definitely true.

So imagine my delight when I heard him speaking those very words. I’m sure those were pure words, unadulterated of the prevalent empty religiosity that plagues the Church today.

I couldn’t explain just how refreshed I am. I certainly needed those words of encouragement and insight now, especially in this crucial time for me.

I believe with all my heart that my friend’s gonna go places someday. I found in him a Christianity so authentic I’m shy when I look at my own.

All the while he might be thinking he learned a lot from the two cents worth of advice I gave him. But little does he know, I got more insight from him more than he probably did from me.

Our talk was anchored on one conclusion. Before we went home, we both acknowledge beyond a shadow of a doubt that God’s love and provision always gets us through. And that is in spite of who we are or what we’ve done.

Alleluia!

Born for Another World

2007-06-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

"Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists.

A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex.

If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only arouse it, to suggest the real thing."

~CS Lewis from Mere Christianity

Breakthrough

2007-04-19T04:19:00.000-07:00

My problem is not that I have become evil beyond measure. My problem is that my heart is not whole. My desires are an odd mix of conflicting secret yearnings.

No wonder my efforts are futile, my prayers fruitless, my heart lukewarm.

I realized that while I was praying for God to use me mightily in His kingdom, I secretly wish the devil will come up with some extraordinary offer so tempting and so worth giving up this whole fuss on living a holy life.

And more often than never, that old deceiver really has something in his sleeves. So I’ll find myself heading towards the mud once again to take advantage of an offer I can’t refuse.

Now there goes my huge dilemma.

I need my heart to be whole. I need a heart whose desires are reduced into one, whose audience is only One.

I need an all out surrender to His Will with no backup plans in mind.

Hence, it’s gotta be all or nothing. Anything less, won’t surely cut it through.

Two Lusts

2006-09-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

I think I can now say I swing both ways.

I used to think I am strictly into guys, until last night. Well, truth be told, until a few minutes ago, really.

There I was, standing in one corner of the bar while the rest of the crowd grooved to the beat and basked in the cool lights, simply doing my own thing – which is nothing. I was there not because I wanted to in the first place, but because I have to. It’s part of my job. So what can I say…

Then, a few feet away from where I was dying of boredom, was what seemed to be beauty personified. For the first time in my life, I felt attracted to a woman!

Of course, out of fear of being rejected, I didn’t do anything about it. Then something happened. When our eyes met, I felt like I was drained of energy. Her eyes, there was something in them. Then it happened again. And again.

Then the smile.

From a few feet away to just inches, she smiled to me and said hi. My heart leapt!

Then this audacious girl subtly talked to my officemate beside me, then before I knew it, she was asking where I’m from.

Either my face, yet again, is screaming “I’m Korean” because this country is slowly being invaded by Koreans, or I looked utterly lost in a crowd of booze drinkers. (I was holding a bottle of water in my left hand, by the way.)

I told her, I’m not really from this side of the island. Then we exchanged names. Then the flirting began.

Or was that flirting? I am not really sure because until that moment, the recipients of my flirtatious banter are from the same gender.

I think it was though, because although the place was filled with hunks, she seemed to be not moving anywhere. (And to think that I never hated my face more than that day because of breakouts!)

Now speaking of hunks, yes, there were plenty there. Most of them being overtly gay. But my attention is being divided by this girl and another guy just behind her.

He’s got all the qualities I like in a guy, and plus, he speaks English. That’s always a plus, since I can construct my thoughts more accurately that way. But then, this girl doesn’t want my attention divided. So she asked me if I dance.

“No, I don’t,” I told myself, while giving a nod, smiling and making something out of my two left feet.

I almost forgot about that guy hottie when the weirdest thing happened. I was dancing with this girl, when he excused himself and passed by between us – facing me, and rubbing his bulge into me.

What in the world was that for?

Then I realized, I made a commitment. To be holy. To be set apart.

And I understood, letting out a grin.

I left the bar with neither of their numbers. I could swear I heard voices telling me “I’m a fool for letting such opportunity go.”

But I should know better. Heterosexual lust is no better than homosexual desires. It’s still sin. Besides, my goal this time isn’t really heterosexuality.

It is to be like Christ.

The Problem of Porn

2006-09-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

Why do we just love porn? Or more accurately, why do I love porn? Why is it so appealing to me that my knees get weak at the sight of an obscene mag? What’s up with these images of bare skin anyways?

Pardon me for starting this entry with such a blunt question. This problem has bugged me for several years now after my cousin and I discovered a stash of such under his dad’s bed. Why has it bugged me? Because ever since, I have been addicted to it.

Like all addictions, it started with dabbling here and there a little. Soon after, I am looking for it in all places and in all sorts of media. Then it doesn’t end there. Of course anyone who is bound to pornography is also bound by masturbation. Over time, masturbation won’t simply be enough – you gotta do the real thing.

Then things go from worse to worst.

I must say I can attest to that by experience. I’ve been through stuff that will make my high school teachers either blush or turn pale white. I’m not going to elaborate on those, not because I’m scared what might happen if they knew, but because it won’t serve any purpose.

Once, I’ve heard one of my friends, say that guys think about sex every 5 seconds. If it is true, then what a dilemma it would be for every Christian male living in the 21st century!

Imagine what we are being bombarded with day in and day out. The spirit of Jezebel has influenced all sorts of media from the movies we watch, the billboards we see, the music we listen to. We are living in a world that encourages the very fantasies we have in secret. Then there’s the Internet.

For me, that became the door into a lifestyle of promiscuity.

There I was -wide-eyed and all, just graduated from a Christian school and barely into college – having full access to all sorts of information. Then all of a sudden, like Asaph, I began to question God and myself if I have kept myself pure in vain.

The world appeared more than happy in fulfilling, even exceeding its own lustful desires. Ignoring the Holy Spirit’s gentle warnings and Asaph’s own conclusions, I went my own way and strayed.

Needless to say, I was wrong. And through that course I learned one funny lesson. Experience isn’t the best teacher; the Holy Spirit is.

Why go through all the pain, the guilt and the trouble for the sake of being “wiser” when the Spirit of God is there to lead us into all truth?

My problem is I don’t really – in all honesty – trust God. So I have to go through the lab and verify His Words on my own, only to find out that it’s not really a fun thing to do – especially if the frog you are supposed to dissect is yourself.

Before, I used to think I would never get tired of fornicating. There’s always “a new terrain to discover, a new mountain to climb.” But heck, barely two months in Manila I got tired of the act, I refuse even when offered right in front of me.

While the rest of the world continues to copulate like dogs, there I was wondering what I missed. If the water from this well of lust is what I really need to be satisfied, then why am I far from being quenched of the thirst?

So it’s that simple. I drank from the wrong well. But why then, does it feel so right?

Let’s just say “because it almost is.”

The problem with pornography and the addiction for the nude is that people aren’t really getting naked enough. While God calls us to strip to the soul and spirit, we stop in our bodies and marvel at what we see. All the while we thought the intimacy we so earnestly long for is can be attained in a magazine or a one night stand. And for this, we are gravely mistaken.

One thing I observed from the trysts I had was that I’m not scared to tell the person almost everything without really disclosing enough information about myself like where I live, work and stuff like that. I think I got addicted to that as well. In my desire to live a life that is free from pretensions, I ended up bound all the more.

It’s crazy because we could always do the very same thing with God: talk to Him in all honesty with the full assurance that He won’t freak out.

I scratch my head what went wrong along the way that while all that we really need is found in Him, we turn to ourselves in search for answers, and find nothing but more questions and of course, confusion.

Mystery for Me

2006-06-12T02:16:00.000-07:00

Since all of creation came into existence by God’s words, then everything we see around us must speak of who He is.

Everything from the stars to the hairs in our head to the tiny particle of sand in the shores of the seas, speak of His greatness and creativity. But it makes me wonder why most people who consider themselves experts in various fields of science aren’t really affected the way they really should.

I mean, exploring the outer space, studying more of the human anatomy, or diving into the ocean’s deep is, for the most part, like reading the Bible. I believe that explains those tears in your eyes the first time you saw the sunset in all its glory. Or the urge to kneel down at the foot of the Grand Canyon.

With reading the Bible, you – well – read the book. Then as the Holy Spirit leads you into all truth, you understand what you read and something in you comes alive. So alive.

That’s no different with witnessing nature’s best first hand.

I wonder how many words are spoken in a typical 40 minute preaching. I bet all those words couldn’t even compare to the “thousands of words” spoken by simply standing even near the Niagara Falls.

It gives me goosebumps, of the good kind, like the ones I get listening to the Katinas sing. Or Jason Upton preaches-sings-preaches.

So it boggles my mind how an astronomer who understands the immensity of the universe more than I do, could simply dismiss God out of the picture and credit everything to Big Bang.

The more they know, the lesser they’re awed. How could it be?

It’s one big mystery for me.

It’s one of those questions I have that though, I’d appreciate if I get an answer, I’d rather spread an awareness amongst like minded people and somehow have a burden to pray for key people in these fields of sciences, while at the same time, keeping our hearts in check that it be always soft, and that may we never cease to be amazed.

Exhausted

2006-06-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

I am tired. So tired.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I am tired of the chase.
Trying to make my own niche
In a world extremely obsessed
With power, money and debauchery.

I am tired of trying
To prove that I’ve got something to prove
That I captain my own soul
And master my own fate.

I am tired of falling
Over and over again
After the same lust for more
That empties than satisfies.

I am tired of being deceived
By lies I made myself to believe
That confounds more than clarifies,
And can’t live without other lies.

I am tired of living for pleasure
As if it’s the only reason why
I live, exist and breathe
When I know full well there’s more.

I am tired of seeking for a drink
From wells that increases thirst
Than satiate the longing for love
And being loved in return.

I am tired of the loneliness
That haunts me when I’m alone
That steals from my hours of sleep
And slowly, from my sanity.

I need a breakthrough
And yes, Tom is right
Coz for it to come,
Something must break.

So God, I give you permission
Break whatever that is left unbroken
But please, take these pieces of what’s left
Of what was once I considered my heart.

Fearing my Light

2006-05-29T07:36:00.000-07:00

I've read this from Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge. I'm gonna share it to you hoping that it will make u think.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Nelson Mandela

You

2006-05-17T06:40:00.000-07:00

I was doing well till you came. Although I never see myself joining the game most people play here, I was in fact on the verge of enjoying it.

But alas, you came.

Yes, you. The uptight serious you.

You who walk with an appealing swagger – so certain of every step you make. You with the mysteriously alluring frown – whose smile being equally fascinating.

You who subtly mock me when I speak without hurting me but actually open me up even more. You who unapologetically converse about your life with bluntness that is never rude.

You whose eyes are more eloquent than your speech. With a gaze that could melt and a touch that dispels fear. You, with hugs and kisses, that are seriously better than its chocolatey counterparts.

You who can call me on the phone but is killing me by not texting at all.

Yes, it’s you, alright.

And just in case you doubt the validity of what I wrote and charge them as folly, think again.

Coz it’s you who made me mushy, after vowing over heaven and earth that I will never ever be a hopeless romantic again.

Einstein

2006-05-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

The message to me couldn’t be any clearer: “God doesn’t play dice with the universe.”

I know I haven’t updated my blog that much recently. I can’t say I was busy, because I know I can find the time to write if I wanted to. I think I was just plain disinterested with anything spiritual so to speak. Much less, analyze it and come up with some journal.

But I am back, I don’t know for how long, but for now, I am.

It was months when I left my job in Cebu in hopes of landing on a high paying one outside the country. It’s embarrassing to admit this, but I was jobless for more than half a year (as I couldn’t consider teaching English to Koreans part time, a serious job.)

Well yeah, at least for a time, my most basic needs were met. But when an opportunity opened for me to be a part of a huge company, I was torn between being comfy with the 60 pesos per hour joke I had, or a real career.

I’m glad I chose to take the risk. I was idle again for more than a month when I chose to get the exams for this corporation. So the in betweens was really a tough time. Believe me, 60 pesos per hour seemed really huge compared to having nothing at all. Do I make sense?

But yeah, God has other plans. I look on this plane, He looks at it in another perspective. And one thing I have learned during this phase of my life is that nothing is ever an accident. All the delays or what seemed to be denials, happened for a reason. It sure felt like nonsense when I was still in that interim, but looking back to it now, I’m glad I can say I smile.

I am a control freak. As much as possible, I want to know what I will be doing a week in advance. Heck, even a month in advance would do. But through the series of uncertainties I went through, I believe I can’t be in control. Things happen beyond my expectations, because it’s not up to me. It’s up to Him.

I was thinking, if God can put Joseph from being a prisoner to a prince in a snap, what is stopping him from doing the same to me? Well, probably the same issues Joseph had to face while in growing up. The delicate issues of the heart. The real deal on pride, sacrifice, true humility and who gets all the glory.

Once those things are settled, then I believe breakthrough will come.

Ah, the wonder of God’s ways. It gives me goosebumps thinking about it. He really has a plan.

God doesn’t play dice with the universe.

Yeah, the statement above was credited to no less than Einstein himself, but it doesn’t really take a genius to figure that out.

Take All of Me

2005-09-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

Take All of Me
by Marty Sampson

You broke the night like the sun
And healed my heart with Your great love
Any trouble I couldn't bear
You lifted me upon Your shoulders

Love that's stronger
Love that covers sin
And takes the weight of the world

I love You
All of my hope is in You
Jesus Christ take my life
Take all of me

You stand on mountain tops with me
With You I walk through the valleys
You gave Your only Son for me
Your grace is all I rely on

I love You so, and I give up my heart to say
I need You so, my everything

----------------------

Lord, help me sing this song. Help me sing this song from depths of my heart and not only from my mind. Help me make this song more of a prayer than a mere utterance.

I want to sing this to You. But all I can I ever do is hum it.

I don’t have the audacity to say the lyrics. I’d rather weep.

I weep for my inability to keep my promises. I weep for my own unfaithfulness. I weep because one moment I praise you with my lips, then on the other I curse with my mouth.

“Take all of me” is such a strong phrase, Lord.

How can I say “All of my hope is in you” when at the back of my mind I have other plans when Yours won’t work?

I want to sing this song badly. It gives me goosebumps upon only hearing the intro.
But its words are all too strong for me.

I can sing, yes. But can I really?

So now, all I ask is for You to bring me to a place of surrender.

Then there, armed with nothing but tears, fall at Your feet and truly worship.

Confessions

2005-08-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, a guy emailed me in my Friendster account and asked me if I was Jap. I told him I’m not, but in fluent Japanese.

That conversation, which started as a one liner, is now an exchange of at least 10KB email.

I thank God for the guy’s guts to write me that quick note. If it wasn’t for that, I still would probably be in the mire I was in, besmirching the name I am supposed to keep holy.

All these times I have been keeping a part of me to myself. I say I love God and want his purposes over my life but when it comes to this part, I can hardly let go. Or if I ever have the courage to do so, I only sink back into the quicksand of that sinful lifestyle.

I never expected my dialogue with this online buddy of mine could go beyond flirtations and playful banter. After that email I sent telling him I wasn’t Jap, he replied a strange one.

He went on to tell me how he came across my profile, and after giving it much thought, logically deduced that I was bisexual. And it doesn’t end there. He even bluntly told me he found me likeable.

What happened next was rather surprising. This guy called all the way from Germany to ask his friend here in Manila (who is also my friend in Friendster) what my digits were. They talked and from that common friend, learned that I am a Christian.

Later in his emails, he asked me if I was indeed. I told him I am. And to my surprise, he confessed he is, too.

What surprised me more is the fact that he isn’t the first guy I know who is a Christian and yet has issues with homosexuality.

I have been dealing with it myself for as long as I can remember. I have been keeping it from people and have learned the art of masquerading it with intense piety.

I was thinking, if only I will be do my duties and obligations as a Christian, then I will not think these thoughts anymore. There was a time I almost lived in church. You can see me attend Friday revival meetings, both the Sunday services, youth meetings, city-wide prayer rallies. Everything.

And yet here I was.

When it troubled me more and more, I decided to tell someone in leadership about it. Of course, the condition was to keep it secret. Needless to say, it is embarrassing.

Yet also before long, the one I consider a leader was also the one who betrayed me by telling almost everyone about my struggle – which totally changed the way they treat me. I wasn’t engaged in the lifestyle then. But as I looked in their eyes I saw how much they loathed me.

I rebelled. I began to hate everything related to church and God thinking that if God really exists, then why do the very people who proclaim His Word and profess to be close to Him, could do such a betrayal. It was the most selfish and most arrogant act I saw a leader, and a pastor at that, do.

I soaked myself in a lifestyle I never thought existed. And yet amidst the hedonistic pursuits, I was empty. My life was miserable.

An unbeliever was actually better off compared to me. At least, they don’t know any better. If they be on their way to the flames, at least, they are enjoying the trip.

I, on the other hand, was lamentable. I was doing the very things I detest deep inside. Not only did I hate others, I despised myself.

And then a light struck the darkness. I met John. He heads a ministry in Manila called Bagong Pag-asa, a beacon of light to those who are hurting. Then I met more people who were honest enough to tell me their struggles and with a tinge of shame in their eyes, admit they were Christians as well.

Then one day, juggling a relationship with the same sex and my relationship with God, I just collapsed. Figuratively collapsed before Him and wept as I saw the holes in His feet.

Ah, the wonder of repentance. I felt like a child again!

A few days after, came the breakup. I admit to have cried a river of tears. But like I said, it was nothing. Nothing compared to the glory that will yet to be revealed.

I know that the battle will not be easy. But like Joshua, I strengthen myself and take courage knowing that the victory is mine through Christ.

Thanks to you Pao for reminding me of who I really am in Christ. You are instrumental to all these.

Thanks to you Tiks for your eccentricity. Your friendship is deeply appreciated and cherished. Let’s win for the Lamb the rewards of His sufferings!

Thanks to you John for caring enough though you barely knew me. To whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!

Thanks to you AJ for your incredible honesty. You have made me a better person in the process. I will be your friend forever!

Thanks to both of you Jam and Tin2. You gals are the best! Coming home to Bacolod is always a delight because of you both.

Thanks to you who have read this far. May Christ become more real to you because of this testimony.

And above all, thanks to you Jesus, my Redeemer who is always Faithful and True. Thank you for letting mercy triumph over judgement. Thank you for never giving up on a brat like me. To you be all the honor, power, glory and worship forever and ever!

Amen and amen!!

Letting Go

2005-08-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

Goodbye.

I am sorry the love we professed has to end this way. My heart aches that I have to let you go, but I know deep within, it will ache even more if I hold on.

I am torn between my love for you and the One who loves us more than our minds could even imagine.

How could I be so selfish to keep you for myself when riches untold are there before you?

How could I liken what I feel for you, to what He felt when He was hanging up there on the Cross?

How could my thoughts of you compare to His, when His tears were like drops of blood that night in Gethsemane thinking that He must endure the pain just to be with you?

How could my sweet nothings measure up to His nail-pierced hands and wounded side?

Ah, I am ashamed to even think there is such a comparison.

My only prayer now is that you will find it in your heart to understand why I have to let you go.

May your eyes be opened to the reality of the warfare over lives and over the destinies God has in store for us.

May your ears be quick to hear his still small Voice speaking to you, wooing you back into His arms.

May your heart be soft enough to be molded by the Potter himself, not for your harm, but for your eternal good.

May your feet be fast enough to run back to the Father, who readies Himself to forgive you while you rehearse your lines on what to say in repentance.

I must say I hurt now. I couldn’t describe the mixed emotions I feel, to be exact. But I am sure, if we desire to be healed we must go through these. The Divine Surgeon himself will perform the operation in our heart of hearts.

It may not make sense now but I have faith. Something tells me that a new dawn is coming and as we face what seems to be the darkest night of our souls, a new day is drawing nigh.

So today, I release you.

I release you to Life. To pursue you calling. To follow hard after God.

Listen to your heart’s cry for true intimacy! Pour out that weary heart of yours to God who willingly gives rest from all your reckless wanderings.

Drink from the Living Well that will quench your thirst for acceptance forever! Speak to Him who is eager to listen to your angst and deepest desires.

Feast your eyes on the beauty of His face and the charm of this world will fade! Turn your gaze no further from His eyes of blazing fire.

Amidst the tears I now shed, I smile. For as I think about it more and more, I realize, that in the light of eternity, “goodbye” is actually a “see you later.”

And thus in the mean time, I watch and pray.

And patiently wait for that day when our names will be called from the Lamb’s Book of Life and, for all eternity, know that this little sacrifice is nothing compared to the joys, Father has in store to those who will simply and humbly obey.

The Question

2005-08-19T02:51:00.000-07:00

What do I really want to do with my life?

This question has haunted me ever since I graduated in college. Or maybe even earlier than that but it was only then that the inner voice couldn’t be drowned out by the noise around me any longer.

What a fitting time for me to think about it again, now that I have nothing to do but wait.

To some, it may be a bit silly... Asking such a question when I should know the answer already.

If only our purpose in this world was given to us with our birth certificates, then life would definitely be easier. But things don’t usually work that way, don’t they? We have to journey through life with all its pains and pleasures and hope to somehow find some answers.

Being a Christian, I always thought my life would be easier. I don’t know why, but that is what most of the people usually attach Christianity into.

A life of peace and free from trouble. No more suffering. No more tears.

On the contrary, as I walk further into the narrow road, I realize that the opposite is true. I still get colds and flu like the rest. I have to face the same bills at the end of the month. Trials abound. And this time, it even seems a notch harder.

And then the haunting question. What do I really want to do with my life?

Now that I am supposed to have “eternal life”, then what do I really want to do with it? Could it be any more complicated than this?

While the rest of the world ponders on what to do with their threescore and ten existence, I wonder about what to do exactly with eternity.

Most of us tend to think that we will spend our eternity having a religious experience in the sky. Not bad, but I don’t think I would want to do that forever.

This is embarrassing, but frankly, that is far too boring. And thank God, that is not what we will all be going to do.

When our pastors say that we will be worshipping God forever in heaven, surely they don’t mean a long list of songs from hymns to uhm, hillsongs, will be sung. The worship that comes into my mind is the Romans 12:1 kind – the offering of our bodies as living sacrifices being holy and pleasing to God. The worship that goes beyond a song, a beat or a tune. The worship that flows from a life truly surrendered to His Majesty. A life lived in its fullness –as Christ promised.

I read something interesting in the last chapter of Zechariah, when the prophet prophesied of the Day of the Lord. I believe it says something that the walls we have built to separate the secular from the sacred will be no more, for even ordinary things as cooking pots and bells of horses will be holy to the Lord.

Meaning, washing the dishes is no less holy than being on your knees praying. Dancing and singing your heart out in a Sunday service wont be holier than doing the routines in your Monday-to-Friday jobs either.

Going back to the question that started this blog, I know –and it’s funny admitting it- that I haven’t found the answer to that question yet.

I don’t know what to do with my life. I must say.

But my Redeemer is faithful and true. He and his words are one, and I’m sure he will never leave me nor forsake me when He says so.

That for me, is enough to get me through this day.

Personal Woes

2005-08-18T00:25:00.000-07:00

“The more a man has in his heart the less he will require from the outside; excessive need for support from without is proof of the bankruptcy of the inner man.”

I came across this quote while simply scanning a collection of Tozer writings. It doesn’t really mean much at first read but once you think about it more, your eyes will see a clear picture. It won’t be long for you to realize that it is indeed true. Sad, but true.

I am guilty of this bankruptcy. With all the time I have for some serious thinking, I really can conclude that there nothing much in my heart thus, I require more from the outside.

My addiction to every form of entertainment from text messaging to the Internet, to TV and the movies reveals there is something wrong with me.

Almost all the time, I grab my phone to text someone not some really important message, but for some dilly dallying- to temporarily cure myself of boredom. I find myself going to the movies to forget, for a moment, the pressing problems of today. Even more often, I drag my feet to the video shop to rent any movie that will give me a boost of energy for life.

For this, I realize that the disease has spread even to the seemingly innocent areas of my life.

Areas like book reading. Once before, I grab a book to learn, and most of all, change. Now, I see it in terms of how much it will entertain me in some strange way. To how goosebumps it will afford me. To how many tears it will bring about.

Going to church is another. One of the reasons why I just don’t like going to my parents’ church is the fact that I always fall asleep while seated.

I need a church that could catch my attention, I tell myself. I need a preacher that could keep me awake all throughout the sermon. I need songs that I can relate to and oddly enough, something that could get into my nerves.

Church for me has become just one form of entertainment. The sermon being another pill to excite me barely 24 hours.

I wonder what it says about the current trends amongst Christian circles flocking towards stadiums and theatres. In my city, more and more people abandon their pews for a comfy seat, an air-conditioned room and high tech multimedia. No need to bring your Bibles to church, it will all be in the video presentation. No need to develop relationships with people, you can leave quickly as you came.

Pardon me. I have nothing against hundreds and thousands of people coming to Christ. I have nothing against technology. I am not against these churches even.

I can even say that I, for the most part, am a product of these types of churches. It just so happens that up to a certain point, I realize, there must be more than these.

I realize I am barren inside if all I wanted is the fun and the emotions. I realize that the more I rely on the external, the emptier I become inside.

The cute little preachings from today’s pulpits won’t cut it through when one is face to face with adversity. One has to know God for who He is and receive revelation directly from Him for even the strongest of saints to survive.

Sometimes, I can’t help but let out a sigh as I think of the modern church’s predicament amidst a world hostile to her existence. I sigh more when I think of my own.

Woe to me for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live amongst people of unclean lips!

Woe to me not only for the darkness I have tolerated in me but for how much light I have rejected!

Woe to me for my idolatry, hypocrisy and rebellion!

Ah, that you would purge my mouth and my heart with coals of fire from your altar, Lord!

Purify me, O Refiner’s fire and let a pure passion for the Son and His Kingdom rise up and ablaze within me.

The Wonder of Char

2004-12-03T15:56:00.000-08:00

Please don’t smile. I know, for most people especially those who have this word as part of their rich vocabulary, might find this entry to be ridiculous.

However, it is not my intention to kid around. I have my moments of total insanity and I am sure that this is not a part of it.

Coming to Cebu to work has been a learning experience for me, as I may have already pointed out in my previous blogs. And recently, I learned yet another interesting piece of information.

I got to use the word “char” in all its uniqueness. Not entirely sure what it meant, I began to explore the possibilities of using it. As a noun, as in “charness”. As an adjective, like in “charing”. And even a verb, as in “chinarut”.

Oh the wonder of Filipino semantics! We can adopt a specific language, real or inanimate, to suit our various whims!

Yet one fateful Tuesday morning at Lavada Queen while doing my laundry (or make that, while waiting for my laundry as the machine washes and dries them up,) I was just suddenly confused as to why I actually use the word.

I hear people always say it in reference to something said prior to that. Most of the time, it would be some powerful observation, something so true – that it borders into cheesydom. And so, as a result, the word is said to counter whatever negative effect the previous profound words shall accrue.

It made me wonder then why people have become so defensive.

Is it because we have become so shallow that anything deeply thoughtful turns out to be a threat?

I hope not. Yet it seems like evidence proves us otherwise.

I think we have been so accustomed to the frivolity of everything and everyone around us, that we never get to go about “placidly amid the noise and haste” anymore. One joke here and there is reasonable; after all, laughter is still the best medicine. But sheer flippancy? Now, that’s a totally different matter altogether.

It has been said that Filipinos are particularly good at laughing at their problems. But the bad thing about that is that problems being laughed at never go away. Sure, we may never look sorrowful as our foreign friends (or fiends) expect us to be, but we sure look pitiful in the long run.

Laughter is just medicine. But stopping there is no better than crying your heart out and killing yourself in the process. It’s supposed to counter the discouragement brought about by the most disheartening of circumstances so that we could muster enough strength to carry on. Not hanging around and looking like morons.

If we expect to ever improve as a nation or as a person we have to relearn the lost art of being serious.

Not sour seriousness. But a fresh look at reality.

That way we begin to live our lives, not out of fear that someone will reject us, but with a freedom that comes from the knowledge that tough times never last, but tough people do.

Char.

Hurts

2004-12-02T16:04:00.000-08:00

I know it hurts.

You have no idea how terrible it was for me to let you go. If you think it was all too easy for me to release you, think again.

Don't you realize that you are the only person I actually loved? That the rest before you were mere games and frivolity? That my world was shattered that very instant I heard the Lord tell me to let go?

My heart aches as it seems like you perceive me now as selfish. I pray that God will open your eyes as He did mine, that you will see beyond the realm of flesh and blood.

The confusion always lie in our ability to see through, you know. God's wonderful plan is laid out in his Word yet we only see through the murky glasses of humanity marred further by sin.

I dare not claim now to see clearly. If anything, I only see a rather blurry picture. But my heart leaps towards that destiny not because of what I saw. I trust the Person who revealed it more, than I trust the picture itself.

You may never quite grasp the importance of this ordeal now. Maybe not even in this lifetime. But as soon as we step into eternity I know this will be clear as crystal to you.

How can I call what I feel for you "love" when Love Himself calls it otherwise?

I think Christ has set the best example. And I think I'd rather believe what He says over what I or you or anyone thinks.

Besides, if I give myself wholly to you, only you will be stirred by my life. But if I allow God to break me, the rest of the world shall be touched by the pieces.

Joy in Surrender

2004-12-02T04:32:00.000-08:00

Giving up things is never easy. Sadly enough, most of us never get to fully experience the grace of God in our lives because we could never muster enough faith to believe for Him to provide for our needs, to make sure we receive what is only best for us, and to guarantee our growth as well.

Christianity is reduced to another set of self-help teachings devoid of the Cross of Christ and thus, the power of God. The way we evangelize these days is one proof. It seems like repentance is no more needed but only a simple prayer of acknowledgement. No more conviction of sin.

We then promise a life of peace and prosperity while the contrary is most often true.

Ours is a generation obsessed with removing the problem of pain and suffering from our doctrines. Yet while it seems true, I wonder why we don't produce much saints nowadays as before.

I mean, we are totally deceived if we dismiss the fact that early Christians suffered a lot for what they believe. They gave up a whole lot of things, if not everything. Their faith cost them their lives.

I wonder why, in the midst of the present affluence of the Church, we only achieved an iota of what the early Christians did. What went wrong there?

Sure, our evangelists can gather millions in one crusade, but what happens after that? Are decisions for Christ always equivalent to disciples of Christ?

It may be something how the gospel is preached, probably our generation is just plain idolatrous or both, I cannot be sure. But certainly there are fewer people nowadays who are willing to surrender everything for the sake of knowing Christ.

When will we ever learn the sweet paradoxes of Christianity? When will we realize that the Christian life isn’t as much of a life at all without death to self and all the desires of the flesh? When will we comprehend the reality that the only things we ever get to keep are the ones we give away for the sake of Christ and his Kingdom?

Sometimes, we think of God as some sadist, don’t we? Someone who is the ultimate kill-joy, delighting to see us cringe as he takes away something that really means a lot to us, or maybe at least something that brings us joy.

I am always guilty of this short sightedness. I say so, because God is not concerned with only the now, as much as He is with our future. Omniscient as He is, he sees the bigger picture and thus, works out that everything will always turn out for the good.

We may never fully understand why God always require surrender, or why it seems like pain characterizes most of our Christian walk. Maybe, our minds are too finite to understand. Or perhaps, we aren’t supposed to understand at all. That’s why it so pleases God when we trust Him without figuring it all out. It’s called faith. But then that’s a different blog entry altogether.

We should learn from Abraham here. We should see that when God demands our Isaacs to be killed in the Mount, He’s got a ram stuck in the bushes somewhere. The issue is not really with Isaac but with the idolatry in our hearts.

Funny thing is that we take things personally. We think God is against us having fun and being happy. Yet all the while that is exactly what God is trying to give us! Joy unspeakable! Pleasures untold! No eye has seen, no ear has heard… what God has in store for us!

Is that really so hard to understand? I don’t think so. It is just that we refuse to understand. I honestly think simple Math is so much more complicated than this.

I was just wondering...

2004-11-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

Why is it that Christianity nowadays seemed to be so different from the one ages before? One can look no further to contrast and to notice the difference.

We live in an age of instant coffee and fast food chains that has sadly come up with a form of born-again quick Christianity. We care more about decisions for Christ rather training disciples of Christ. Our meetings are characterized by the cute but pathetic programs of men rather than the raw but essential power of God. Everyone's concern seem to be their own glamour and not God's glory.

Where are those whose lives compel the rest of the crowd to say in their hearts, "We, too, want to know their God"?
Where is the power of God permeating our churches causing signs, wonders and miracles in the midst of those who badly need it?

Where are the prophets in our pulpits who give the word of the Lord as they heard it from Him - caring not even if those very words challenge the status quo and make a whole lot of people uncomfortable?

Are there no more John the Baptists, Charles Finneys and John Wesleys today but only evangelists-turned-salesemen and motivational self-help teachers behind our pulpits?

Are there no more preachings that so grip and so convict people of their pet sins - thus leading them into repentance but simply "seven steps to a better this and that" sermonettes that only makes us feel ever better about ourselves without God?

Lord, we repent for the mess we have wallowed in! We repent for deliberately choosing the things of this world over the awesome privilege of knowing you. We stand in awe of your magnificent deeds in the past. We read them in your Word and hear them spoken to us Sunday through Sunday, but something deep within us yearn for something more. We have to experience them!

In our hearts, we long for you to captivate us by your beauty again, and be mesmerized by your blazing eyes of fire! Transform us from mere pew warmers into an unstoppable prophetic people that will live to see their destinies and callings fulfilled in this time.

We languish for a visitation once again that the love we have for you - now growing cold due to the lust and cares of this world, will once again ablaze into one that is passionate and unrelenting!

Jesus! Remove the side-issues that so easily distract us. Turn the tables in the market places of our selfish hearts and transform them into altars of prayer for the nations!

All these - for the greater glory of Your Name!

Amen and amen.

Unsent

2004-11-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

I am sure there was a commotion in the heavenly realms when we met. Satan and his hordes must have been worried on the impact our meeting will have. And so, he devised a plan to ruin it.

Think about the way we met. It was divine appointment. I know it has it rough edges, but who would have thought it was really you?

But oh, I made a fool of myself by sinking down to the miry depths. I acted too selfishly when I was supposed to be selfless... indulged with my flesh when I was supposed to have it crucified... considered what I could get out of it instead of what I could have given.

Now, everything is screwed up. What was supposed to be a wonderful relationship became a dreaded one. I can only sigh in regret.

My heart aches to how stupid I have been. Yet crying over spilt milk will not change anything of the past. And so, I pray. On my knees, hands lifted up, my eyes gushing with tears, heart bursting even more - I prayed.

...that He who majors in turning an adulterer into a man after God's own heart will intervene and create a worshipper out of our stubborn hearts...

...that He who chooses to step in when other people would rather back out, will comfort us of his presence - giving assurance of forgiveness with the condition of true repentance...

...that He who transforms people by giving them new names, while the rest could only gossip, comment and judge, will wrestle with us - in the dark night of our souls leaving us limping for life, but with a new destiny associated to it.

I could only hope now, that things will work out for the good. I believe though, that everything still works out that way if our hearts beat for Someone who showed what it is to be a true friend, in the first place. And although it seemed impossible with finite minds and blinded eyes to see beyond the present circumstances now, I trust the heart of God who desires nothing but the best, and who freely gives anything and everything as long as it won't cause injury to our souls.

My desire is for you to fulfill your destiny. No more, no less. You know for a fact those prophetic words spoken over you when godly men laid their hands on you. Always remember those. Guard them with all your heart. Consider them sacred over anything else.

Oh, that you won't trade the treasures in store for you in eternity for some loose change in this lifetime!

Choose God's call over your life above the subtle voices luring you for anything less!

Know in your heart of hearts that just because you are under attack now, doesn't mean you are worthless. The opposite is true. Satan attacks you now, not because you are too weak, but because he is scared to wait - and wake up one day with you too strong for him to handle.

I commit to stand in the gap for you. To intercede for your healing. To utter a prayer for you when you can't - or even won't. To prophesy and speak your destiny into reality, even if the present circumstances depict otherwise.

At the moment, I surrender to God my all in all. I lay in the altar everything. For without the sacrifice, there can be no fire.

While everything seemed absurd, I choose to trust the Heart who knows my yesterdays and tomorrows at once. I believe if I release you and hold on to Him, somehow I will gain more. And it will only be thru that process that along the way, you will find your way back to Him too.

See you in the frontlines.

I will wait.