Fearing my Light

I've read this from Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge. I'm gonna share it to you hoping that it will make u think.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~Nelson Mandela

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You

I was doing well till you came. Although I never see myself joining the game most people play here, I was in fact on the verge of enjoying it.

But alas, you came.

Yes, you. The uptight serious you.

You who walk with an appealing swagger – so certain of every step you make. You with the mysteriously alluring frown – whose smile being equally fascinating.

You who subtly mock me when I speak without hurting me but actually open me up even more. You who unapologetically converse about your life with bluntness that is never rude.

You whose eyes are more eloquent than your speech. With a gaze that could melt and a touch that dispels fear. You, with hugs and kisses, that are seriously better than its chocolatey counterparts.

You who can call me on the phone but is killing me by not texting at all.

Yes, it’s you, alright.

And just in case you doubt the validity of what I wrote and charge them as folly, think again.

Coz it’s you who made me mushy, after vowing over heaven and earth that I will never ever be a hopeless romantic again.

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Einstein

The message to me couldn’t be any clearer: “God doesn’t play dice with the universe.”

I know I haven’t updated my blog that much recently. I can’t say I was busy, because I know I can find the time to write if I wanted to. I think I was just plain disinterested with anything spiritual so to speak. Much less, analyze it and come up with some journal.

But I am back, I don’t know for how long, but for now, I am.

It was months when I left my job in Cebu in hopes of landing on a high paying one outside the country. It’s embarrassing to admit this, but I was jobless for more than half a year (as I couldn’t consider teaching English to Koreans part time, a serious job.)

Well yeah, at least for a time, my most basic needs were met. But when an opportunity opened for me to be a part of a huge company, I was torn between being comfy with the 60 pesos per hour joke I had, or a real career.

I’m glad I chose to take the risk. I was idle again for more than a month when I chose to get the exams for this corporation. So the in betweens was really a tough time. Believe me, 60 pesos per hour seemed really huge compared to having nothing at all. Do I make sense?

But yeah, God has other plans. I look on this plane, He looks at it in another perspective. And one thing I have learned during this phase of my life is that nothing is ever an accident. All the delays or what seemed to be denials, happened for a reason. It sure felt like nonsense when I was still in that interim, but looking back to it now, I’m glad I can say I smile.

I am a control freak. As much as possible, I want to know what I will be doing a week in advance. Heck, even a month in advance would do. But through the series of uncertainties I went through, I believe I can’t be in control. Things happen beyond my expectations, because it’s not up to me. It’s up to Him.

I was thinking, if God can put Joseph from being a prisoner to a prince in a snap, what is stopping him from doing the same to me? Well, probably the same issues Joseph had to face while in growing up. The delicate issues of the heart. The real deal on pride, sacrifice, true humility and who gets all the glory.

Once those things are settled, then I believe breakthrough will come.

Ah, the wonder of God’s ways. It gives me goosebumps thinking about it. He really has a plan.

God doesn’t play dice with the universe.

Yeah, the statement above was credited to no less than Einstein himself, but it doesn’t really take a genius to figure that out.

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