Breakthrough

My problem is not that I have become evil beyond measure. My problem is that my heart is not whole. My desires are an odd mix of conflicting secret yearnings.

No wonder my efforts are futile, my prayers fruitless, my heart lukewarm.

I realized that while I was praying for God to use me mightily in His kingdom, I secretly wish the devil will come up with some extraordinary offer so tempting and so worth giving up this whole fuss on living a holy life.

And more often than never, that old deceiver really has something in his sleeves. So I’ll find myself heading towards the mud once again to take advantage of an offer I can’t refuse.

Now there goes my huge dilemma.

I need my heart to be whole. I need a heart whose desires are reduced into one, whose audience is only One.

I need an all out surrender to His Will with no backup plans in mind.

Hence, it’s gotta be all or nothing. Anything less, won’t surely cut it through.