Sunday, September 30, 2007

Abba

I don’t understand your ways.
I don’t understand why I need to go through these.
I don’t just get it why such emotional rubbish should torment me day in and out.

Why this kind of pain, this kind of thorn?
Why of billions, me?
Ah, everything in my life now is totally beyond me.

One moment, I seem wise as a sage
Foolish on another, in as quick as half a heartbeat.
And yet I am audacious enough to call myself your son.

Oh have I made every effort to escape
From what seemed to be walls to imprison
When, really, are there to protect me.

My eyes are full of shame
My heart, guilty
My body, tired.

Over and over I promised
Not to hurt you, no never again
Yet at the sight of a brother
I falter, and forget my convictions altogether.

I hate the very thought of you knowing
I’m going through this and yet not lifting a finger
I hate it when at the sound of your voice
You created everything into existence
And yet you can’t even remove this thing
That has plagued me for so long.

Haven’t I cried enough?
Begged enough, fasted enough
Prayed enough, bled enough
Shouted enough, suffered enough?

How I wish I could hurt you
The same way you’ve caused me pain.
How I wish, oh, that you would know a portion of my pain
And that is enough.

At times, I rebel to deliberately hurt you
But only to realize I hurt myself more.
The world doesn’t want me
Doesn’t love me
Doesn’t care for me
Doesn’t give a hoot about me
Like it so deceptively declare.

And so I keep running back, though ashamed
To your arms and weep some more.
Your nail pierced arms are always ready
To embrace the prodigal that is me.

And once again, declare with the rest
Where else shall I go when you have the words of eternal life?

It’s no longer a cutesy thing to say; It’s true.

I’ve got nothing, no one.
But you, only you, my Jesus.

2 comments:

weng,  September 30, 2007 at 6:48 AM  

This is a very good poem, i'm glad to meet you here. I am so happy to meet a person so attached to His Creator. I have high regard on you. GOd is even working wonders in the virtual world. He overpowers evil in the internet world. And am thankful that He uses people like you to touched the lives of others.

PLease do pray for me as well.

i remain your friend Weng

Aiai October 1, 2007 at 12:18 AM  

i'm not a big fan of poems, but this strikes me so much it hurts.

i miss you.

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