Hurts

I know it hurts.

You have no idea how terrible it was for me to let you go. If you think it was all too easy for me to release you, think again.

Don't you realize that you are the only person I actually loved? That the rest before you were mere games and frivolity? That my world was shattered that very instant I heard the Lord tell me to let go?

My heart aches as it seems like you perceive me now as selfish. I pray that God will open your eyes as He did mine, that you will see beyond the realm of flesh and blood.

The confusion always lie in our ability to see through, you know. God's wonderful plan is laid out in his Word yet we only see through the murky glasses of humanity marred further by sin.

I dare not claim now to see clearly. If anything, I only see a rather blurry picture. But my heart leaps towards that destiny not because of what I saw. I trust the Person who revealed it more, than I trust the picture itself.

You may never quite grasp the importance of this ordeal now. Maybe not even in this lifetime. But as soon as we step into eternity I know this will be clear as crystal to you.

How can I call what I feel for you "love" when Love Himself calls it otherwise?

I think Christ has set the best example. And I think I'd rather believe what He says over what I or you or anyone thinks.

Besides, if I give myself wholly to you, only you will be stirred by my life. But if I allow God to break me, the rest of the world shall be touched by the pieces.

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Joy in Surrender

Giving up things is never easy. Sadly enough, most of us never get to fully experience the grace of God in our lives because we could never muster enough faith to believe for Him to provide for our needs, to make sure we receive what is only best for us, and to guarantee our growth as well.

Christianity is reduced to another set of self-help teachings devoid of the Cross of Christ and thus, the power of God. The way we evangelize these days is one proof. It seems like repentance is no more needed but only a simple prayer of acknowledgement. No more conviction of sin.

We then promise a life of peace and prosperity while the contrary is most often true.

Ours is a generation obsessed with removing the problem of pain and suffering from our doctrines. Yet while it seems true, I wonder why we don't produce much saints nowadays as before.

I mean, we are totally deceived if we dismiss the fact that early Christians suffered a lot for what they believe. They gave up a whole lot of things, if not everything. Their faith cost them their lives.

I wonder why, in the midst of the present affluence of the Church, we only achieved an iota of what the early Christians did. What went wrong there?

Sure, our evangelists can gather millions in one crusade, but what happens after that? Are decisions for Christ always equivalent to disciples of Christ?

It may be something how the gospel is preached, probably our generation is just plain idolatrous or both, I cannot be sure. But certainly there are fewer people nowadays who are willing to surrender everything for the sake of knowing Christ.

When will we ever learn the sweet paradoxes of Christianity? When will we realize that the Christian life isn’t as much of a life at all without death to self and all the desires of the flesh? When will we comprehend the reality that the only things we ever get to keep are the ones we give away for the sake of Christ and his Kingdom?

Sometimes, we think of God as some sadist, don’t we? Someone who is the ultimate kill-joy, delighting to see us cringe as he takes away something that really means a lot to us, or maybe at least something that brings us joy.

I am always guilty of this short sightedness. I say so, because God is not concerned with only the now, as much as He is with our future. Omniscient as He is, he sees the bigger picture and thus, works out that everything will always turn out for the good.

We may never fully understand why God always require surrender, or why it seems like pain characterizes most of our Christian walk. Maybe, our minds are too finite to understand. Or perhaps, we aren’t supposed to understand at all. That’s why it so pleases God when we trust Him without figuring it all out. It’s called faith. But then that’s a different blog entry altogether.

We should learn from Abraham here. We should see that when God demands our Isaacs to be killed in the Mount, He’s got a ram stuck in the bushes somewhere. The issue is not really with Isaac but with the idolatry in our hearts.

Funny thing is that we take things personally. We think God is against us having fun and being happy. Yet all the while that is exactly what God is trying to give us! Joy unspeakable! Pleasures untold! No eye has seen, no ear has heard… what God has in store for us!

Is that really so hard to understand? I don’t think so. It is just that we refuse to understand. I honestly think simple Math is so much more complicated than this.

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