The Question

What do I really want to do with my life?

This question has haunted me ever since I graduated in college. Or maybe even earlier than that but it was only then that the inner voice couldn’t be drowned out by the noise around me any longer.

What a fitting time for me to think about it again, now that I have nothing to do but wait.

To some, it may be a bit silly... Asking such a question when I should know the answer already.

If only our purpose in this world was given to us with our birth certificates, then life would definitely be easier. But things don’t usually work that way, don’t they? We have to journey through life with all its pains and pleasures and hope to somehow find some answers.

Being a Christian, I always thought my life would be easier. I don’t know why, but that is what most of the people usually attach Christianity into.

A life of peace and free from trouble. No more suffering. No more tears.

On the contrary, as I walk further into the narrow road, I realize that the opposite is true. I still get colds and flu like the rest. I have to face the same bills at the end of the month. Trials abound. And this time, it even seems a notch harder.

And then the haunting question. What do I really want to do with my life?

Now that I am supposed to have “eternal life”, then what do I really want to do with it? Could it be any more complicated than this?

While the rest of the world ponders on what to do with their threescore and ten existence, I wonder about what to do exactly with eternity.

Most of us tend to think that we will spend our eternity having a religious experience in the sky. Not bad, but I don’t think I would want to do that forever.

This is embarrassing, but frankly, that is far too boring. And thank God, that is not what we will all be going to do.

When our pastors say that we will be worshipping God forever in heaven, surely they don’t mean a long list of songs from hymns to uhm, hillsongs, will be sung. The worship that comes into my mind is the Romans 12:1 kind – the offering of our bodies as living sacrifices being holy and pleasing to God. The worship that goes beyond a song, a beat or a tune. The worship that flows from a life truly surrendered to His Majesty. A life lived in its fullness –as Christ promised.

I read something interesting in the last chapter of Zechariah, when the prophet prophesied of the Day of the Lord. I believe it says something that the walls we have built to separate the secular from the sacred will be no more, for even ordinary things as cooking pots and bells of horses will be holy to the Lord.

Meaning, washing the dishes is no less holy than being on your knees praying. Dancing and singing your heart out in a Sunday service wont be holier than doing the routines in your Monday-to-Friday jobs either.

Going back to the question that started this blog, I know –and it’s funny admitting it- that I haven’t found the answer to that question yet.

I don’t know what to do with my life. I must say.

But my Redeemer is faithful and true. He and his words are one, and I’m sure he will never leave me nor forsake me when He says so.

That for me, is enough to get me through this day.

Read more...

Personal Woes

“The more a man has in his heart the less he will require from the outside; excessive need for support from without is proof of the bankruptcy of the inner man.”

I came across this quote while simply scanning a collection of Tozer writings. It doesn’t really mean much at first read but once you think about it more, your eyes will see a clear picture. It won’t be long for you to realize that it is indeed true. Sad, but true.

I am guilty of this bankruptcy. With all the time I have for some serious thinking, I really can conclude that there nothing much in my heart thus, I require more from the outside.

My addiction to every form of entertainment from text messaging to the Internet, to TV and the movies reveals there is something wrong with me.

Almost all the time, I grab my phone to text someone not some really important message, but for some dilly dallying- to temporarily cure myself of boredom. I find myself going to the movies to forget, for a moment, the pressing problems of today. Even more often, I drag my feet to the video shop to rent any movie that will give me a boost of energy for life.

For this, I realize that the disease has spread even to the seemingly innocent areas of my life.

Areas like book reading. Once before, I grab a book to learn, and most of all, change. Now, I see it in terms of how much it will entertain me in some strange way. To how goosebumps it will afford me. To how many tears it will bring about.

Going to church is another. One of the reasons why I just don’t like going to my parents’ church is the fact that I always fall asleep while seated.

I need a church that could catch my attention, I tell myself. I need a preacher that could keep me awake all throughout the sermon. I need songs that I can relate to and oddly enough, something that could get into my nerves.

Church for me has become just one form of entertainment. The sermon being another pill to excite me barely 24 hours.

I wonder what it says about the current trends amongst Christian circles flocking towards stadiums and theatres. In my city, more and more people abandon their pews for a comfy seat, an air-conditioned room and high tech multimedia. No need to bring your Bibles to church, it will all be in the video presentation. No need to develop relationships with people, you can leave quickly as you came.

Pardon me. I have nothing against hundreds and thousands of people coming to Christ. I have nothing against technology. I am not against these churches even.

I can even say that I, for the most part, am a product of these types of churches. It just so happens that up to a certain point, I realize, there must be more than these.

I realize I am barren inside if all I wanted is the fun and the emotions. I realize that the more I rely on the external, the emptier I become inside.

The cute little preachings from today’s pulpits won’t cut it through when one is face to face with adversity. One has to know God for who He is and receive revelation directly from Him for even the strongest of saints to survive.

Sometimes, I can’t help but let out a sigh as I think of the modern church’s predicament amidst a world hostile to her existence. I sigh more when I think of my own.


Woe to me for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live amongst people of unclean lips!

Woe to me not only for the darkness I have tolerated in me but for how much light I have rejected!

Woe to me for my idolatry, hypocrisy and rebellion!

Ah, that you would purge my mouth and my heart with coals of fire from your altar, Lord!

Purify me, O Refiner’s fire and let a pure passion for the Son and His Kingdom rise up and ablaze within me.

Read more...