Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Person

My mistake is not that I have become a heretic or an atheist. My troubles abound not for lack of knowledge even as there are plenty.

My problem is that I separate the things I seek from the Person of the Giver.

I was always told not to seek the gifts but to pursue the Giver. Something that sounds true and even cool to mouthe in the circles of religion where I belong.

But really, nothing could be further from the truth.

The Gift is the Giver.

Healing is a Person. Freedom is a Person. Righteousness is a Person. So is Prosperity, Joy, Love, and Peace.

Everything we need and want and desire is in the Inexhaustible Person of Jesus.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

Ruined

"Ruin me," I desire to pray - which according to Craig Groeschel comes down to "our hearts needing to break for the things that break the heart of God."

But how can it be, when it's so easy for me to give it to someone else just like that?

And so instead of giving the full loaf for God to break, He ends up just getting the crumbs or what's left of it.

The amazing thing is He is accepts them anyway.

Now that is a good God.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hurdle

From the way I see it, perpetual loneliness seems sweeter by all means compared to the searing pain of losing someone.

But that is exactly what my problem is: what I see.

While I am called to a Life that is beyond what I could see, feel or even comprehend, I limit my reality to something just within my grasp.

Could it be that while I am inundated with all these questions on loving and losing those I love… could it be that while I could not love so perfectly, I on the other hand can receive a Love so perfect that will set me free?

…Set me free from my own fears and even more than that, set me free to love perfectly?

Lord Jesus, I choose to believe. Abba, I choose to receive.

Sweet Spirit that leads me into all truth, have your way in me.

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Flooded

If perfect love casts out all fear, then why are my fears the strongest when I love someone so deeply, almost so perfectly?

If you truly and fully love someone, how can you bear the pain when the day comes that each of you shall go your own separate ways?

Will I wake to a day when I will love without the fear of losing someone? Will I – acned, lanky and spiky hair and all – really wake to an actual day in the bounds of time without the gnawing fear of losing the people I deeply love?

And if this is not possible, could I live a life without loving at all?

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