The Problem of Porn

Why do we just love porn? Or more accurately, why do I love porn? Why is it so appealing to me that my knees get weak at the sight of an obscene mag? What’s up with these images of bare skin anyways?

Pardon me for starting this entry with such a blunt question. This problem has bugged me for several years now after my cousin and I discovered a stash of such under his dad’s bed. Why has it bugged me? Because ever since, I have been addicted to it.

Like all addictions, it started with dabbling here and there a little. Soon after, I am looking for it in all places and in all sorts of media. Then it doesn’t end there. Of course anyone who is bound to pornography is also bound by masturbation. Over time, masturbation won’t simply be enough – you gotta do the real thing.

Then things go from worse to worst.

I must say I can attest to that by experience. I’ve been through stuff that will make my high school teachers either blush or turn pale white. I’m not going to elaborate on those, not because I’m scared what might happen if they knew, but because it won’t serve any purpose.

Once, I’ve heard one of my friends, say that guys think about sex every 5 seconds. If it is true, then what a dilemma it would be for every Christian male living in the 21st century!

Imagine what we are being bombarded with day in and day out. The spirit of Jezebel has influenced all sorts of media from the movies we watch, the billboards we see, the music we listen to. We are living in a world that encourages the very fantasies we have in secret. Then there’s the Internet.

For me, that became the door into a lifestyle of promiscuity.

There I was -wide-eyed and all, just graduated from a Christian school and barely into college – having full access to all sorts of information. Then all of a sudden, like Asaph, I began to question God and myself if I have kept myself pure in vain.

The world appeared more than happy in fulfilling, even exceeding its own lustful desires. Ignoring the Holy Spirit’s gentle warnings and Asaph’s own conclusions, I went my own way and strayed.

Needless to say, I was wrong. And through that course I learned one funny lesson. Experience isn’t the best teacher; the Holy Spirit is.

Why go through all the pain, the guilt and the trouble for the sake of being “wiser” when the Spirit of God is there to lead us into all truth?

My problem is I don’t really – in all honesty – trust God. So I have to go through the lab and verify His Words on my own, only to find out that it’s not really a fun thing to do – especially if the frog you are supposed to dissect is yourself.

Before, I used to think I would never get tired of fornicating. There’s always “a new terrain to discover, a new mountain to climb.” But heck, barely two months in Manila I got tired of the act, I refuse even when offered right in front of me.

While the rest of the world continues to copulate like dogs, there I was wondering what I missed. If the water from this well of lust is what I really need to be satisfied, then why am I far from being quenched of the thirst?

So it’s that simple. I drank from the wrong well. But why then, does it feel so right?

Let’s just say “because it almost is.”

The problem with pornography and the addiction for the nude is that people aren’t really getting naked enough. While God calls us to strip to the soul and spirit, we stop in our bodies and marvel at what we see. All the while we thought the intimacy we so earnestly long for is can be attained in a magazine or a one night stand. And for this, we are gravely mistaken.

One thing I observed from the trysts I had was that I’m not scared to tell the person almost everything without really disclosing enough information about myself like where I live, work and stuff like that. I think I got addicted to that as well. In my desire to live a life that is free from pretensions, I ended up bound all the more.

It’s crazy because we could always do the very same thing with God: talk to Him in all honesty with the full assurance that He won’t freak out.

I scratch my head what went wrong along the way that while all that we really need is found in Him, we turn to ourselves in search for answers, and find nothing but more questions and of course, confusion.