Personal Woes

“The more a man has in his heart the less he will require from the outside; excessive need for support from without is proof of the bankruptcy of the inner man.”

I came across this quote while simply scanning a collection of Tozer writings. It doesn’t really mean much at first read but once you think about it more, your eyes will see a clear picture. It won’t be long for you to realize that it is indeed true. Sad, but true.

I am guilty of this bankruptcy. With all the time I have for some serious thinking, I really can conclude that there nothing much in my heart thus, I require more from the outside.

My addiction to every form of entertainment from text messaging to the Internet, to TV and the movies reveals there is something wrong with me.

Almost all the time, I grab my phone to text someone not some really important message, but for some dilly dallying- to temporarily cure myself of boredom. I find myself going to the movies to forget, for a moment, the pressing problems of today. Even more often, I drag my feet to the video shop to rent any movie that will give me a boost of energy for life.

For this, I realize that the disease has spread even to the seemingly innocent areas of my life.

Areas like book reading. Once before, I grab a book to learn, and most of all, change. Now, I see it in terms of how much it will entertain me in some strange way. To how goosebumps it will afford me. To how many tears it will bring about.

Going to church is another. One of the reasons why I just don’t like going to my parents’ church is the fact that I always fall asleep while seated.

I need a church that could catch my attention, I tell myself. I need a preacher that could keep me awake all throughout the sermon. I need songs that I can relate to and oddly enough, something that could get into my nerves.

Church for me has become just one form of entertainment. The sermon being another pill to excite me barely 24 hours.

I wonder what it says about the current trends amongst Christian circles flocking towards stadiums and theatres. In my city, more and more people abandon their pews for a comfy seat, an air-conditioned room and high tech multimedia. No need to bring your Bibles to church, it will all be in the video presentation. No need to develop relationships with people, you can leave quickly as you came.

Pardon me. I have nothing against hundreds and thousands of people coming to Christ. I have nothing against technology. I am not against these churches even.

I can even say that I, for the most part, am a product of these types of churches. It just so happens that up to a certain point, I realize, there must be more than these.

I realize I am barren inside if all I wanted is the fun and the emotions. I realize that the more I rely on the external, the emptier I become inside.

The cute little preachings from today’s pulpits won’t cut it through when one is face to face with adversity. One has to know God for who He is and receive revelation directly from Him for even the strongest of saints to survive.

Sometimes, I can’t help but let out a sigh as I think of the modern church’s predicament amidst a world hostile to her existence. I sigh more when I think of my own.


Woe to me for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live amongst people of unclean lips!

Woe to me not only for the darkness I have tolerated in me but for how much light I have rejected!

Woe to me for my idolatry, hypocrisy and rebellion!

Ah, that you would purge my mouth and my heart with coals of fire from your altar, Lord!

Purify me, O Refiner’s fire and let a pure passion for the Son and His Kingdom rise up and ablaze within me.